and it all comes down to this....

I have been in a space of total gratitude and deliverance. One day I decided to just give it all up. Give up all my worries, my insecurities, my pessimism, my addictions, my attitude, my selfishness and any other trait that was preventing me from elevating to that clear, radiant space of greatness.

I have always been a woman of many words. I can talk for hours and hours about anything. Make you believe it to. The point I had been missing all these years is I could talk a good game but did I believe it myself. I always knew what I had to do but being disciplined to actually do it, is where I fall short. I was blessed with a father who really "deposited" into my existence. He would talk and talk to me for hours about how important it was for me to be somebody and not follow the crowd, and even though my father is far from perfect he never was lazy on being a parent to me. That I am grateful for and it is because of that effort that I am who I am...in addition to the assistance of my entire family as a whole.

As I have matured into a woman I have made some great decisions and great life moves, and then I have stumbled on a few. During those stumbles I realize now that it came from me rushing and not taking my time where I should have been. So many of us want everything fast..right now. Hey, we live in a world with everything at our fingertips. I never wanted to wait and work my way up...just place me at the top with my cushion and bring me a cup of tea.

Well at 29 going on 30 I see that is not the way life works. I saw a quote recently that hit me like a ton of bricks: "You wanna see God laugh, tell him YOUR plans". That resonated with me so much that it made me realize that ...hey...Do I ever really plan or do I just think on impulse and move? Many of my years was based on impulsive moves. The funny thing is many of them produced great results but I definitely tripped and fell on a few.

The good news is I am here today and standing tall. I am so blessed and in tuned with my higher self that I can say this and be proud and truly grateful of the pitfalls. Without them I would not be who I am. Had I not had a taste of what I did not want, I would not know how the dish should actually taste. If that makes sense.

Two things I know for sure that has helped me reach this point and I am sure someone else may reap the benefits of this message:

1: Be absolutely present to your RIGHT NOW. That is really all we have and if you are 100% in tuned with what is happening around you..you wont worry about tomorrow..or what you don't have, where you wish you were, who you wish you were with. You would be absorbing and giving all your pure energy to what is happening now that may produce the future you want. You have to force yourself to be present to your moments.

2: Every thing, person and event, try to take yourself out of it. Try to think of the next person in all you do and you will see how much "you" actually benefit from being of service to someone else. I learned this the most being a teacher. I teach in one of the most poverty stricken areas in Brooklyn. My kids come to me everyday happy to see me. For some of them I am their only source of hope, excitement, and something to look forward to. I used to get so upset with the "way" things were until I realize, this is not about me....but these kids. Once I took myself out of the equation and realized that I am just here giving myself the best way I can and it has nothing to do with what I would like, where I wish I was etc. I am here and they are the source. I found a new found appreciation for the blessing of just being "Selfless". Giving of your self without looking for anything in return. Being considerate. Being loving. Caring. Generous. and Patient ...just because. That is being HUMAN. That is what GOD intended for each one of us.

Of course this state of thinking and level of understanding takes time, and usually a string of hardships and experiences to humble you to the place where you can actually ask God to "use me the way you can to allow me to be a source of light and the best way you see fit. I am open to receiving your will and message". Once you open up your heart and your aurora to receive that energy it will come to you and you will start to see clear and focused.

There is many things that I am still longing for in my life and I am 100% sure that they will manifest when the time is ready but for now...I am living each day consciously, purposefully and with the bigger picture getting sharper. During this time, many people will fall through the cracks because I have to be responsible for the energy and company I allow in my life. The truth is everybody is not for you, even if they say they are. The wrong type of person, or energy can delay your goals heavily, and who can afford such a thing.

I, for one, have worked too hard and sacrificed too much to allow any more careless mistakes, negative people and ill intentions to be a part of my life.

I am on a one way trip to Joy. I feel it and it is settling in very nicely.

#Abundaceoverflowing

A Creation of Consciousness begins in August

So ever since I can remember I have had a lot on my mind. Even was I was maybe 3 years old I could vividly remember thinking way to hard about weather or not I should eat the peas my grandma would make on the side of my plate, thrown them on the floor or attempt to act as if was eating them, but really have a napkin hidden under my chair so I can spit them in there. (This was huge planning and concentrated deception at a young age that I was mastering).

I also always thought I was ill...typical example is the My Girl Movie. Remember how the main character LIVED at the doctors office because she thought she was dying from everything from Cancer to Tuberculosis. I was that girl. I would watch that show "Life goes on" and think I had Down syndrome after seeing Cody's character ( even though youhave to be born with that). Some of you may not have a clue what I am talking about, but the point is I "OVER ANALYZE" everything!!!! Which has prompted me to start using that same energy and thought ability into things that need it.

I love media! I love the idea of having a tool that can reach masses of people at the same time. I think the creation of TV & Radio was genius and now having Internet at our disposal is absolutely Mind blowing. Do we realize how Amazing and EASY our life is. As I sit here and write now this will not only be read by my Mom in Brooklyn, but my god sister in LA, my Aunt in Boston and my God brother in Japan. I love it, along with a host of others.

I wanted to start taking life and responsibility more seriously and wanting to use something that I have always had a passion for with everyone and that is my "gab" . Even though I am writing..I speak as I write and I want to start "gabbing" to you about everything under the sun of IMPORTANCE!

I think we live in an era that is of monumental proportions. Maybe Barack Obama has inspired me indirectly to start holding myself accountable for the human condition. Maybe turning on my TV and seeing "respected news" spend 8-10 minutes talking about one celebrity and what they did the night before and who they are sleeping with and what they ate for dinner has prompted this. Or, maybe it is that I have a young daughter who I love greatly and who I find to be the most amazing specimen in the world, is going to one day have to go to school in this country and that ranks #24 on the list of education systems in the world, compared to 20 years ago when we ranked #1. (circa 1988 - i was in 1st grade)...

When Obama speaks of change he speaks truth. I don't look to Obama to be my savior and change this world over night. I look to myself, and I look for him to be a leader who reinforces that. I hold myself accountable for being a positive role model for not only my child, but for my neighbor's daughter, the post man, the caterer, the banker, our community. We must ALL be present and alive to the moment in which we exist. we cannot walk blindly anymore and just drift and work and come home and sit and wait...wait for what!!! The time is now!!! We must be active and conscious in what we think, what we watch, what we eat what we say and what we do!

There is a crazy energy that now has possessed this earth and caused turmoil. We must reconnect with who we are spiritually and become one with ourselves and the world in which we live. Start thinking of how you can be of service and promote change. It does not have to be a hard task, it can actually be as simple as when you are riding the train or bus from work, smiling at the person across from you. Complimenting someone who you think looks nice. Sharing some info or wisdom with someone who needs it and enlightening them. Your goal should be to try to think what you can do for the net person. You will see how blessings will come to you in great proportion.

Please start small but aim to spread this good energy, this is just the beginning. I am on my mission. I will commit to writing to you and talking and sharing my thoughts with the intention for it to provide a spark to inspire goodness and change amongst humanity. I can not look at this as a black/ white thing. We are humans first and we must move and act as that and stop letting color be a barrier in us welcoming the understanding of LOVE across the human race.

Until we meet again...Live Bold! Be Conscious in everything you do. xoxoxo

Look for my blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. .. Forever.......