Friday, October 21, 2011

and it all comes down to this....

I have been in a space of total gratitude and deliverance. One day I decided to just give it all up. Give up all my worries, my insecurities, my pessimism, my addictions, my attitude, my selfishness and any other trait that was preventing me from elevating to that clear, radiant space of greatness.

I have always been a woman of many words. I can talk for hours and hours about anything. Make you believe it to. The point I had been missing all these years is I could talk a good game but did I believe it myself. I always knew what I had to do but being disciplined to actually do it, is where I fall short. I was blessed with a father who really "deposited" into my existence. He would talk and talk to me for hours about how important it was for me to be somebody and not follow the crowd, and even though my father is far from perfect he never was lazy on being a parent to me. That I am grateful for and it is because of that effort that I am who I addition to the assistance of my entire family as a whole.

As I have matured into a woman I have made some great decisions and great life moves, and then I have stumbled on a few. During those stumbles I realize now that it came from me rushing and not taking my time where I should have been. So many of us want everything fast..right now. Hey, we live in a world with everything at our fingertips. I never wanted to wait and work my way up...just place me at the top with my cushion and bring me a cup of tea.

Well at 29 going on 30 I see that is not the way life works. I saw a quote recently that hit me like a ton of bricks: "You wanna see God laugh, tell him YOUR plans". That resonated with me so much that it made me realize that ...hey...Do I ever really plan or do I just think on impulse and move? Many of my years was based on impulsive moves. The funny thing is many of them produced great results but I definitely tripped and fell on a few.

The good news is I am here today and standing tall. I am so blessed and in tuned with my higher self that I can say this and be proud and truly grateful of the pitfalls. Without them I would not be who I am. Had I not had a taste of what I did not want, I would not know how the dish should actually taste. If that makes sense.

Two things I know for sure that has helped me reach this point and I am sure someone else may reap the benefits of this message:

1: Be absolutely present to your RIGHT NOW. That is really all we have and if you are 100% in tuned with what is happening around wont worry about tomorrow..or what you don't have, where you wish you were, who you wish you were with. You would be absorbing and giving all your pure energy to what is happening now that may produce the future you want. You have to force yourself to be present to your moments.

2: Every thing, person and event, try to take yourself out of it. Try to think of the next person in all you do and you will see how much "you" actually benefit from being of service to someone else. I learned this the most being a teacher. I teach in one of the most poverty stricken areas in Brooklyn. My kids come to me everyday happy to see me. For some of them I am their only source of hope, excitement, and something to look forward to. I used to get so upset with the "way" things were until I realize, this is not about me....but these kids. Once I took myself out of the equation and realized that I am just here giving myself the best way I can and it has nothing to do with what I would like, where I wish I was etc. I am here and they are the source. I found a new found appreciation for the blessing of just being "Selfless". Giving of your self without looking for anything in return. Being considerate. Being loving. Caring. Generous. and Patient ...just because. That is being HUMAN. That is what GOD intended for each one of us.

Of course this state of thinking and level of understanding takes time, and usually a string of hardships and experiences to humble you to the place where you can actually ask God to "use me the way you can to allow me to be a source of light and the best way you see fit. I am open to receiving your will and message". Once you open up your heart and your aurora to receive that energy it will come to you and you will start to see clear and focused.

There is many things that I am still longing for in my life and I am 100% sure that they will manifest when the time is ready but for now...I am living each day consciously, purposefully and with the bigger picture getting sharper. During this time, many people will fall through the cracks because I have to be responsible for the energy and company I allow in my life. The truth is everybody is not for you, even if they say they are. The wrong type of person, or energy can delay your goals heavily, and who can afford such a thing.

I, for one, have worked too hard and sacrificed too much to allow any more careless mistakes, negative people and ill intentions to be a part of my life.

I am on a one way trip to Joy. I feel it and it is settling in very nicely.


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