Thursday, May 28, 2009

Our work is really NEVER finished...

So I am drinking a cup of tea a couple days ago in a cafe waiting on my friend, and I happen to strike up a conversation with this much older guy, who reminded me of Pierce Bronson, Distinguished, strikingly handsome and looked like MONEY. :)

He was sitting at a table across from me and every time I looked up, so did he. He nods his head up at me and throws a finger up to ask , "May I join you"? I shrug my shoulders..."Why not"?

Before I go on, let me just say... I am not one to randomly "pick up guys" nor was my intention to have this man sit with me so that we can maybe "hook up". I love talking to people and usually will invite anyone into a conversation, especially strangers, so I can quiz them on any and everything. In addition he was all Gray, but very hot, but I still knew that there would be nothing between us. OK....

So....he sits across from me, he smells like the sea....crisp, fresh, clean, magnificent. He is donning a black blazer, white sharp collar button up underneath, that is opened just a bit to see his salt n pepper chest hairs (he has that south beach Italian look going on) and he has on white loose fitted denims with some Ralph Lauren loafers. I was very impressed by his smooth ensemble and relaxed attire that he made look so easy. He wore a very nice watch. Of course I did not stare, but it was the biggest face watch I ever seen and it looked like it was just taken out of the Cartier factory and placed on his wrist. To sum it up he was pretty dope.

He sits and says in his French accent "Forgive me Darling, I love Fine Chocolate". Now this almost made me LOL....because I was not expecting this man to say something like that...but then again...this was getting good and I was intrigued. I am usually the one to say something to make the other party blush or feel "surprised" by my verbiage. "Excuse me, SIR". He leans in, "My name is Jorge, I am in town visiting from Epernay, (which I learn from him is a town in France where some of the most prestigious wine vineyards are produced) I distribute Champagne through North America, so I am here several times a year...I was admiring you from across the table, heard you speaking to someone on your phone very aggressively and thought I would come over to try to figure you out, not to mention I think you are a very attractive woman".

So we talk.

Of course I go on to say thank you, and ask him a million questions about the process of distributing champagne, how its made, how I can get He answers and he is very respectful.

To sum it up, Jorge is 56 years old, has made enough money in his life to take over 7 continents and support every child in it, he has 2 daughters, who you can imagine are some of the luckiest little girls in the world. We talk and talk and he tells me his life in 35 minutes. He stresses how he had no intention on "trying" anything with me, but just wanted to converse with an interesting person. I told him how much I appreciated speaking and learning about a culture that is so unfamiliar to me, and how one day when I come to France, I will look him up. (winks)

I ask him, what was he doing here now, in NYC? He said he was meeting with a group of people who would be accompanying him on a trip to Lesotho, which is a country in Africa. They would be aiding and helping to assist a project to try to help stabilize the agriculture there for people to have food in that area.

Jorge went on to tell me about how much money he has made in his lifetime, to the point he makes it without doing anything at all. While he sleeps money is being made. When he made his first million at 28, he was a crazed young man. He had done it all, and traveled the globe more times than he can count, and what he realized, is that none of it matters. None of it matters when you walk into a village across the globe and see that the inhabitants there cant even get a drink of water. They can not look forward to dinner, when they do not know where it will come from. They can not look their children in the face and promise them anything because they are living in scarcity at all times.

He tells me, you come to a point in your life when you realize, all I am supposed to do is to help the next person live a little bit easier. I have attained great things, but what does it mean if I cannot share it and help to lift up my fellow human being. We are all just that....fellow humans first before race, gender, or religion.

Of course Jorge, said so much more to me that late afternoon. His party finally arrived and was beeping for him outside the cafe. He goes into his pocket and leaves a $50 bill on my table "Your tea is on me" (my tea was $2), he took my hand and rolled my name off his tongue in the sexiest, romantic french accent I have ever heard "Deandra, it has been my pleasure, I see your light..keep it up, until we meet again.." He kissed my hand, and just like that he was gone.

I of course, for the first time, had no words, not because of his aurora, and demeanor, but what he had to say to me moved me and it taught me so much. This man with his long money, and luxurious life, does not have to do a thing with all he has, but he is still busting his chops to help people in Africa try to eat.

What am I doing?

At that moment I sort of felt small in the scheme of things, but then I realized how BIG his impact would have on me, and I too, would pay his message forward.

Our work is really never done. We should always be grinding trying to make our contribution to the world last and count.

Where is Jorge? I don't know, but I am sure he is touching someones heart, as he did mine.

Enjoy your weekends! Live in LOVE, and be a force among many!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Emptiest Barrels always makes the most noise.

Have you ever watched someone destroy themselves by talking way too much. A wise person once told me... "Shut up and just let someone talk...let them ramble on, without you giving much input and watch them tell you way more information than you need to know".

I have seen people do this so many times that it becomes a sport for me. I am a natural conversationalist and could hold a conversation with an alley cat and find something interesting about it. Some of my closest friends like to bother me about it, saying "Dee you just talk to people too much...stop"! What I have learned is there is nothing wrong with talking to people, it's what you choose to talk about that causes the problem.

There are people who will go at full length about a topic that has nothing to do with them, get all excited, start becoming the prosecutor for someone in a situation they have nothing to do with at all. Leading to them spilling the beans about things that are not in their place to do.

There is always somebody to stomp their feet, and yell from the rooftops about "what they going to do" and "how they feel about" a situation... then you listen and watch them put on this show, and it means nothing. Why are you so excited and enthused about something that has nothing to do with you? Why have you lined yourself up to be the person who said "this and that", causing so much unnecessary drama? Why are you now the point of reference to events that you were not even present for, when they happened. Was it so hard for you to not try to prove a point and just shut your mouth!

I think this is the worst display of character, and when I see it, I immediately distant myself from that type person, not wanting to align myself with having their presence in my life.

People who gossip and get in the middle of drama, and make NOISE about situations and events that have nothing to do with them, actually tells you a great deal about the fabric they are made of. You should love when you actually meet these type of people, because you don't have to go through fostering a friendship or relationship to know that they are no good to have in your world. You have to ask yourself, if they are doing that to an individual, what makes me different if it all came down to it?

Why would they defend me instead of stripping my character, and dignity. After all, it is clear they have nothing BETTER or more important to do, since they have dedicated so much time into the petty act at hand.

When folks have time to sit and defame someone else, or even worry themselves about the business of men, they are not utilizing their greatest potential, and they are miserable. As the quote goes "An idle mind is a dangerous thing", it will give birth to jealously, hatred, greed and a host of other non productive thoughts, that will keep you moving fast going nowhere.

I caution and advise that if you know people who fit the description of the keep the distant of a ten foot pole between you and them. They serve no greater purpose to your plans and their wrath will soon catch you as well. It's inevitable.

I have learned to be extremely careful and cautious of the company you keep. Everyone, and everything that we do is a reflection of who we are. Some people learn this the hard way, and if so, better learned than never at all, but THINK... Who wants to have an empty barrel in their crew? I don't know about you, but I need substance. I need to walk away and feel filled up with something more than when I came, and if you are full of hot air, then keep it moving.



Thursday, May 21, 2009

Tanya or TOMMY?! I can't tell...

Why is it that so many women out here have this hardcore, masculine, don't need a man, "I will slice you" mentality? **NEWSFLASH**, You are scaring men off. LITERALLY.

It is so funny I was JUST talking with a friend of mine (who is male) who says he went on a date with this girl recently, he kept bumping into while he was out. He was like "DEE, shawty was something serious! Had me imagining having kids and everything just off the physical" SMH ...

Anyway, he says he took her to this nice restaurant in Chelsea, and everything was great until she started loosening up after the 3rd glass of wine and starting being "herself". She was talking about how she gonna smack some girl at another table in the restaurant because she kept looking at their table, then as she was talking she kept pounding her fists out after every sentence and every other word was being delivered like she was playing the role of "Tommy" in Belly.

All my friend could do was just act like she was one of the dudes, and let the night go on. He clearly never called her again and even though he said he would have loved to have "sampled it" since she was sooo hot, he could not take his mind there based on her masculine qualities. She was not "Delicate" enough for he said.

I have been hearing this a lot now from men and I do not know if ladies are aware of this, when they are doing it. Classic scenario is a guy sees this beautiful woman and she opens her mouth and it is like you are talking to "Ronnie and nem" up the block. She is saying "That n*** this, and YO son, and pounding her fists after every word, and every word is f** and mother **** that"

This is just so not cool!

I happen to know a lot of girls/women, and I love most of I must say out of all the ladies I know and kick it with, only 3 come to mind who I would say " Yea, so and so is real hardcore and will lay you out, and it shows" Most if not all of the women around me act like ladies, and they are not fighters. They will handle their business if need be but they are not LOOKING for fights, looking to provoke any, or get a kick out of that type of behavior.

I am not saying us ladies don't sometimes curse and express ourselves, but to be loud, boisterous and over the top with that even is really not attractive to men at all. UNLESS, maybe your man is one of the OG's in your hood, in which case most men like this and love them a "rough hardcore misses"....*blank stares*

If you want you a good, respectable, clean cut FINE most of us do, you should not be carrying yourself so BRUTE at all...I don't care what anyone says.

In addition to that, all that " I don't need a man" jargon is played too! If you are not a lesbian and you like men, then why wouldn't you want a man to make you FEEL like a woman in every possible way? Those words will never come out of my mouth because I guess I have been tooo blessed to know the fabulousness that accompanies having a GOOD MAN in your life! NO WAY!

I am not saying I "NEED" him to be who I am...and I am not advocating that to ladies in anyway that you NEED a man to complete you or validate your existence...of course not! What you do need though is to feel alive and have certain sensors and nerve endings in your woman makeup stroked every now and then, and its nothing wrong with that at all. So stop saying you don't NEED it and WANT it.

I know some women have children and they have no help from the men who made them at all, I know some women lack having a male figure to support and play that role in their life in various areas, so they have to play it. Sometimes it is hard for some women to come out of that role, because they play it all the time, so when they do have the company of a man around, they are just being who they always have to be. I do think that being conscious of it helps a great deal.

Maya Angelou says in her Poem "In all ways a Woman".....

"Being a woman is hard work. Not without joy and even ecstasy, but still relentless, unending work.

Becoming an old female may require only being born with certain genitalia, inheriting long-living genes and the fortune not to be run over by an out-of-control truck, but to become and remain a woman command the existence and employment of genius"

Ladies BE LADIES! BE FIERCE and Keep yourself on that THRONE high!



Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Unseen strength is what moves the mountain....

I have always been the friend who if I am eating a carton of fries, I will pour them on the table and offer you half, even when sometimes...I just wanna eat that entire carton to myself. I won't say I am the most generous person I know, because that would be stretching it, but I don't mind giving you the shirt off my back if you really need it and I love you.

What happens to our kind? We get used, abused, mistreated, stabbed in the back, and sometimes stoned (figuratively speaking) for trying to be someone who just wanted to help. "Look what they did to Jesus", this is what I always tell myself when unfortunate circumstances happen to fantastic people.

I know a ton of people who just are not that nice. They won't go out their way for you if you need it, they won't offer you a piece of what they have, even if they have enough, they won't think about you when you are not there. You are out of sight, out of mind. They don't think about your feelings, and how what they say they can never take back. They are out there. These people are your friends, your sister, your brother, your mother, your father, your uncles, your aunt, your man, and your woman.

So what do you do?

Do you choose not to have these people in your life? No, it is impossible. We are all energy living on a plane in this space and time, and for us to have expectations from another being, whom we cannot control is unrealistic, impossible and unfair. Yes, I agree that some people do some of the most lowest, irresponsible, horrific acts to us when we are the last person who is deserving of it, BUT....there is a lesson in it all. I can guarantee that.

I know that at the moment when you find out that your sister has been sleeping with your husband, you ask yourself what the hell is the reason? Or maybe your father has been stealing money out of your accounts for years and you had no idea. Or maybe your best friend, has been secretly talking behind your back to your worst enemy about everything that you have been doing. Whatever the case, the reason behind their disloyalty, and betrayal, you must ask yourself after the tears, the anger and the disgust...."Who am I today, and how big is this in relation to ME"?

This question seems very simple and many would say, what does this have to do with anything...but it has a lot to do with everything. "Who am I"?, simple question, but very hard to answer. Many people will tell you what they do for a living, how many kids they have, where they live, who their parents are, and the list can go on, but this is the wrong answer. The answer is ...what is your purpose and being encompass at the moment. What plans are you making and what are you doing right now to get what you need for you. Yes, the world has fell on your shoulders, and yes their is no logical explanation for it, BUT....What are you doing right now to put you where you ultimately see yourself being.

I can go on and on about this because I have been a victim of people selling me short and not being what "I" wanted them to be, BUT, when it is all over, I realize that the essence of who Deandra is, is something that no one can break or take away from me. I know who I am, what I want and where I am going, and if someone tries to place a detour on my journey, then I have to roll with it. I know I am not doing this by myself and that there is always a higher power guiding me through the journey. As long as I know this, and really believe it, then no person can break me and my spirit.

My hope for everyone reading this is to encourage you to never let anything at all keep you from living, loving, growing, and trying MORE than you already are! If you are here, breathing, and can get up out of bed, then you have it better than 30 million people who can't in the world.

Dust your shoulders off and prepare yourself for what you haven't done! It has been waiting for you, and the madness that occurs in between was just a test to get you ready for it! Special *WINKS* a SPECIAL PERSON! You encouraged this one.

Enjoy this sunny Tuesday!


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Take a Moment to....

I have a confession.....I LOVE LOVE LOVE my LIFE! How do you feel about yours?? Like don't get me wrong, we all have our days where we would much rather sit under a cave in Scandinavia, eating a bowl of granola for dinner, than be in the situations, circumstances and drama we can get into on the day to day. BUT, when the sun sets and the smoke clears....I would not trade in the life I have built for myself for NOTHING!

I love it! I love my spirit because it is sooo strong, and I don't let anything BREAK it! I love my insight, because it is so clear, I love my friends...they make me SMILE more than Frown, and they are soo good to me! I love my Family, Blood and distant because their actions constantly show me how much I mean to them. I love being a mother, and watching my daughter look at the Mickey Mouse Club in the mornings and she is trying to do the "HOT DOG" dance that Minnie does when she thinks I am not watching. I love eating my food that I work so hard to make and to watch my family enjoy it. I love that when something that appears to be "bad" or "unfortunate" happens that I never see it as that, and I am just always ready to move on to what I need to do next!

I am in love with GOD! I know that he has such a huge plan for my life and he shows me that EVERY SINGLE DAY in the connections I make, the opportunities I am allotted, and the moments that I see. My heart is soo full and I wanted to pass it forward to anyone reading this right now.

YOU are no different from me. You should feel no different that me! You are of the same greatness and you should never feel "small" in this world for we all make it what it is TOGETHER! I love you and I want you to give thanks for everything that makes your life work! Speak it outloud and be an example always!

Have a groundbreaking weekend!!! Celebrate and do something to make someone smile.

Love you all!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

In the name of love....

She loved him so she tried it. She only thought that he would be the beginning of her days and the ends to her nights for the rest of her life. She was in pure bliss and leap bounding passion every time she smelled his scent around her, she anticipated every meeting they scheduled, she longed to be kissed by him. How could she have known that surrendering to one of the most natural Utopia's (LOVE) would produce her demise.

It started when he brought it home. He was stressed and it helped him, so why wouldn't it help her? She didn't think twice about the effects...the risks, nor did she think of herself, because with him she never did. He always came first. She inhales the poison...her beautiful lips pull, at the age of 25 she is really a beauty , perfect skin, beautiful high cheek bones, wavy long black hair that touches the middle of her back. She had the type of beauty you only see in mythical stories.

He always felt like he did good choosing her. But everything else was not going great. Work was stressful, he didn't feel like he was as good as the others, everyone loosing their jobs, he felt like he was next. If this were to happen how could he afford the 1.3 million dollar condo they kept on the upper West Side overlooking the Hudson. The extravagant lifestyle he so easily fitted into and got his lady accustomed to quite fast. The trips to Gucci, the Giuseppe purchases, the vacations in paradise. It was all too much, and when he pulled on that pipe it all seem to disappear. The worries, the anger, the fear, the failure!

"Here baby, fly with me" he hands her the pipe...She joins him in their short term heaven...not knowing their destination ends in hell.

I see her...she used to be so beautiful! DAMN...Now she twitches....her face is sunken in and looks like skin that has been wet for too long...similar to a prune. She used to be a STAR now she gives off no light at all. Its hurts to watch. I cannot give her money because I will aid her in reaching her fate I opt to just buy her a meal every now and then. "Damn Dee....I thought we were peoples". I love you too we are!

He is long gone, Dead....She has been been left to suffer with an addiction that will have her follow him shortly. Unlesss....She chooses to LIVE.

I hate drugs! I hate the toil it takes on our sisters, bothers, mothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, children!

I love you all! Be thankful!


Thursday, May 7, 2009

That time again.... 10 cases in point.....MEMO THIS!

OK...So I was on my positive HIGH message until something "occurred" and now I have to cut people down to their boot straps and bring them back to reality!


1- Folks are so quick to offer up their two cents about a situation when they are IN the same thing and worst. Women do this the most! You can be in one of the most toxic of relationships, don't even know who YOU ARE in the relationship, or outside of the relationship because you never had a chance to get to know YOU, and then go off and tell someone else what they should do with THEIR man! WOW! Stop being an automatic flea! Causing itching and irritation...We need some shampoo for this type of person!

2- Why are you allowing people to walk all over you like you are a freshly cemented pavement. Stop taking care of everybody, and let them take care of themselves! Who said you was the MESSIAH and everything you work hard for has to go in the hands of those around you who are not adding on to who you are AT ALL! Some of these people sit at home all day not doing a thing...watching TV, Eating and being non productive while someone they know is working hard as hell to provide for them and YOU! Add on in some way and stop being a leech!

3- Who are these people walking around FRONTING like they live and are accustomed to a certain lifestyle that they do not have naturally. Their job is to try to appear to be living the life, because they hang around those who are, but they are NOT! Hate to break it to you but people can tell when you are a "straggler", stop being a straggler to people. Work on your own dreams and make it happen for yourself.

4- Women and Men stop dimming down your lights! SHINE SHINE SHINE! I don't care who says you are arrogant, conceited, "think you all that"...newsflash you ARE! If you don't think so who will. Do what you want to do, say what you want to say, move the way it makes you happy ALL THE TIME! If it has consequences then so be it! Deal with those then. Have the conversation. I appreciate my JOSIE for always SHINING and never hiding how she feels! *winks*

5- Stop being a stingy lover! If someone is treating you the way you love and they are always showing you love..why do you hesitate to show it back? Why are you so self conscious about the way you will 'look" towards that person. If you wanna send them flowers, do it! If you wanna explore them in places you never did ..DO it! ( sorry to go there..but its important to be generous and open with the ones you are with)...IF THEY ARE WORTH IT!

6- Remove the Jealousy bug out your system! You just cannot have, be or maintain the same stature as the ones around are not supposed to. Stop hating on things that you have no control over! Just give thanks for what you have, and the rest will fall into place. Work on loving you and what you naturally can do. If your best girl found love and you haven't yet...embrace and be happy for her, don't screw up your face and play distant. If your friend is now friends with someone new and that person makes them happy then embrace that new friendship and that person. More love to go around. If you know someone who is making a big purchase (car, home, boat...etc) be happy! Show them love and really mean it! Why hate inside and wish bad for anyone. Those thoughts end up bouncing back on you you do yourself an injustice.

7- Ladies why do you complain when some men are giving you compliments, or making it a public service announcement to everybody when they do. Are you not used to this? Yes we are women that is what happens! We walk down the street and a slew of men will hiss, holla and say whatever they think will get your attention. I will be the first to say YES IT GETS ANNOYING! BUT.....never do I get upset, act like a bitch or just complain about it. Stop complaining about things that are not problems and be happy somebody still "checking" for you. Believe it or not, there are some women in the world who men NEVER look at. They are invisible! So stop it!

8- Stop sleeping with sooo many damn men! LADIES! WHY do you do it? It is not even necessary! If a man is really feeling you he will wait for you. If he really is interested in you nothing will keep him away from you. If you think you allowing him to swim in your waters will keep him interested and in tune with you, then you are wrong. You need to be able to bring something to the table other than just sex. Can you stimulate his thoughts, can you make him feel good emotionally, can you make him feel respected and appreciated. Can you introduce him to new things as he should for you. Can you have a conversation! (so many people cant -- )

9- If I see one more guy with his pants on his thighs I am going to scream! Why do we think this is cute I have no idea! Why do girls even speak to guys with their pants on their thighs..I have no idea! You look ridiculous! This tight jean look is screaming to be OVER! my boy said the other day " How do you put your i pod, wallet, phone and lip balm in there making it look even worst". Spread the word that this is the most HIDEOUS look, and let us start that rumor in Harlem.

10- Don't lie to your friends! Be honest always with them! No matter what. Many say that "I am not saying this because it is none of my business and I don't want that person to blame me" but then when you think about it...we forget that if it was us we would want the same treatment. Treat others as you would want to be treated. If you live by this and follow this, life would be easy! I do it everyday and I have no complaints. Some people say "Dee, you can be too harsh and abrasive", I say " this is me! take it or leave it."

Love you all....Have a great weekend! Live and Enjoy the moment!!!


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

LOVE is BEAUTIFUL in LIVING COLOR!!!! many already know, and maybe some don't, one of my closest girls Ms. Brie Strickland, got engaged on Saturday May 2, 2009. I have witnessed one other proposal in my whole life, and it did not measure to what I saw, sitting in a Thai restaurant in Williamsburg this past Saturday!

Maybe it was because I was watching a woman who I love so dearly, cry her eyes out because she never thought, this would happen to her. Maybe it is because I know the groom so well, and respect his loyalty, commitment, and dedication to making her happy EVERYDAY, all the time. Maybe it is because I was surrounded by folks who I knew genuinely wanted that moment to be PERFECT, and maybe I just was soo incredibly moved, touched and inspired by seeing LOVE happen right in front of my eyes, that, that moment definitely goes down in the history books.

Yes, I have been in love, Yes I know love well. Yet, even being able to say "I know love", I haven't met love in that way, to that capacity as I witnessed Saturday, since I have never been engaged, and that moment is something to celebrate, cherish and remember, especially when it is done so well, as it was done by my friend Ricky Dacosta.

These two have had a long courtship and they deserve every ounce of satisfaction and enjoyment of each other throughout the planning of this union. I am honored and overly excited to be a part of this ceremony that happens next year, and even more excited to share and bask in my sister girl's joy with her.

I noticed that when I posted pictures of their beautiful day online, so many people responded "Black Love is alive" "Black Love is beautiful". WOW! At first glance you look at that and you say, "yea isn't it", then you realize... "Damn...are they saying this because it is such a rarity to see, that when it is seen, it is an occasion". Whatever the reason behind the comment. I agree 100%.

I agree that Black Love, Asian Love, Hispanic Love, Russian Love, Indian Love, Greek Love, Italian Love, Peruvian Love, Brazilian Love, and every other form of LOVE that exists in this sphere we co-exist in, is something that holds the secret to our purpose! We are LOVE. We Live for LOVE and when we can capture it, and appreciate it, and acknowledge it for what it is, as my boy did this weekend, it is magical.

This was no movie, this was REAL LIFE, and you felt it. The sincerity and the genuineness.

I wish my sister and her new hubby to be, the most amazing and enlightening journey together. They will learn, grow, kiss, eat, share, laugh, advise, smile, whisper, touch, and bask in each other for the rest of their lives! It's their only option!
Love you Brie and Ricky!!!!

Have a wonderful loving day FAM! I love you!