Thursday, November 27, 2008


I am in the spirit this holiday season hardcore!!!! I am a sucker for the Thanksgiving and Xmas season(yes we put our tree up Wednesday night)...I Absolutely LOVE the slow creep of Thanksgiving and the cooking, aromas and full belly's that accompany it. I usually do not cook a big dinner at our place since I can just go off to my grandma, or mama's house and get my grub all the way on...but since having my own family now and own little cabode I call home I decided why not GO IN, since I cook almost every other day.

I woke up early Thursday morning at 7 am and made an all out feast and it was Delicious! I think I was even more prompted to do this because it is important for me to set the standard for my lil girl so she knows YES YOU GOTTA COOK as you become a woman and hold it down. She loves to be in the kitchen with me already and tries to help out. She knows she has a momma who is a "FOODIE" and all out obsessed with anything edible so she has no choice.

The day went great! I cooked food for us at home, we ate, then we went to my 2nd family's house (Divine's mom house) and we got it all the way in some more and then headed over to my Grandma's. So that was a total of 4 times we ate in one day and that is excluding all the cakes, pies and treats. I am feeling extra swelled right now but it is sooo worth it.

Eating and breaking bread with those closest to me is what it is all about. The memories of talking, sharing stories and opinions and getting into heated debates about Beyonce being better that Alicia Keys (of course this was my POV) is what makes it all worth it. The saying of the grace in which someone starts reciting the lord's prayer instead by accident (clearly one of the funniest of the evening - thanks Daddy) and watching DeAsia run nonstop in circles after drinking her first cup of Pepsi in her life(and it WILL be her last, way to hyper). I thought I would give her a treat since it was Thanksgiving and she is the BIG 4...but she reacted way too *POOKIE (*addict from New Jack City) for me to continue with that.

Anyway all in all I had a fabulous day and I am so thankful for all the good food, drinks, laughs, and did I say FOOD! In addition thankful for my family and friends who all sent me the most thoughtful sweetest texts, THANK YOU! I am forever grateful that I am in your thoughts and on your roster to show LOVE!

I am extremely thankful for the foundation my ancestors have set for me to build on the goals I am to accomplish!

I love you all and don't hesitate to eat again if you feel like it! Another day another GOBBLE! Looking forward to leftover Fridays!!!! OWWWWW!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

...and if you say REAL TALK I probably won't believe you... (Andre 3000)

Why is it so damn hard for some people to keep it real! And really keep it real. Like say what the hell is really on their mind instead of sugar coating it and wrapping it up in a nice likkle knapsack with a bow!

I had a conversation/argument with a pretty cool friend of mine. We have not known each other all our lives but we met 3 years ago and we have been cool as hell ever since. She is one of the most emotional people I have in my life, but she is also one of the realest, smartest and "handle her business" chicks I know..which is why I keep her in my life.

Anyway...she basically called herself "reading me" the other day after we got into a heated debate as we usually do. She said to me " You know Deandra I don't think the closest people around you are being honest with you because it shows in the way you take constructive criticism. I think due to your strong personality and aggression a lot of people will refrain from telling you things because they are afraid of your reaction..but me I don't give a S***!

WHOA! So when she said this I immediately went off the handle once again, defending the people in my life and saying of course they tell me the real BUT then I thought about it, I could come up with a couple people I KNOW for a fact hold back. My mother and Divine have been telling me for years I am the worst at taking constructive criticism, and mainly because a part of me feels that I am RIGHT most of the time (forgive my EGO right now). lol.

So what did I do to my friend who I can COUNT on to tell me off and tell me when she thinks I am wrong...I told her You are right my dear! I love it! I love how you can show me these things and there is no other YOU in my life! You add on to me and help me see who I am when I am caught up in the suck. Which can be often.

I say this to say...We all may fall victim to holding back and not telling those in our life how we really feel..even when it comes to the smallest things. But if somebody means something to you then I feel in my heart that you are in their life for a reason. We all are not perfect and we all need help sometimes to get from point A to B. Only when we work as a collective can we start to see progress most of the time.

Now don't get me wrong, of course most of the answers are within ourselves and when we get in that space to be with us and to listen to the Oneness in our spirits we are at our best!, but sometimes to get to that space takes a tap on the shoulder from your mom, your dad, your brother, a homie or sometimes a stranger!

Be open to critique...filter out the BS and the hate...and take what you need from it to grow and to be a better diamond in the rough.

I know some of you have said why you always referencing Jay-Z in your blogs, but I like to reference Jay-z rhymes a lot because he is one of the only artists I know who can talk such TRUTH, say it CLEAR as day and you feel it in your toes and it hits you like "YOOOO that ish is HOTT".

In his song "Song Cry" which is one of my ABSOLUTE FAVES! He references to this same exact point I make. Appreciating someone who can give it to you hard, raw...and not care how you take it. I will put the whole verse below so you can enjoy it....but the last line is what brings it home for me.

Love you all!!!!! BE HONEST...BE TRUE....BE A FRIEND!


"Good dudes - I know you love me like cooked food
Even though a n*** got move like a crook move
We was together on the block since free lunch
We shoulda been together havin 4 Seasons brunch
We used to use umbrellas to face the bad weather
So now we travel first class to change the forecast
Never in bunches, just me and you
I loved your point of view cause you held no punches"-Jay Z Song Cry

Thursday, November 20, 2008

They call her Red Bone...

Every time she comes around I feel like I'm an alien! Yes. She is known to be a red bone, and I LOVE to HATE her...she takes on such an evil existence in my heart. Why does she insist on coming and making my days so horribly BLAH! I am not a BLAH person but when she is around she steals a lil bit of my swexy, and I gotta a ton of that! She makes me feel just a tad bit "smaller" than her and that is never easy for me to swallow.

I am the center of this game, the starlight of my days...not HER! I don't even wanna talk to people when she comes because a part of me is not speaking from the best space in me. I allow her to make me say things that are not always pleasant for others to hear but what can I do when she is taking over my Patience and conscious mind. It is horrible! I must cure this dysfunction.

How can I allow HER to have so much control over the energy I put out into the world. A part of me really can't help it. Every time she stops by, she wants to stay with me the whole time. I mean don't you have other people to go see instead of me. I can't just let her come then drop her over to my homies house, or to my mother because she already has her own schedule with them and will see them when she is good and ready and she will make her way there BELIEVE ME!

She likes to come..stay way over her welcome, and just go on and on and on until I am literally drained of all energy, enthusiasm and excitement. I am literally left feeling 10 pounds heavier than I was the days before I knew she was in town, because I am so FULL of her s***! Oh, and I can always tell when she is "close by" , its as if I get a sharp pain in my damn back that is linked to her making her grand appearance. It is sooo crazy!

She is sooo arrogant and bold too. EGO like you would not believe. So much that my whole day is catered to making sure she is "comfortable" and "protected" and if I don't she will make sure to embarrass me so EVERYONE will know she is the MAIN BITCH!

It's even coming between me and my love! He does not understand why one day I am sweet and a pot of honey and the next I turn into this tyrant who is only good at giving orders, complaining, and screwing my face up. He said "Damn, babe how you gon let shawty do you like that...I feel like I'm alone...I should have known she was here again. You treat me like ish, its all about her, yet you hate her so much".

So what do I do? I cannot get rid of her. She has been a friend I love to hate now for 13 years and if I don't see her it will be sort of strange for me. I need her, she is the key to my life. She is the key to me making more life.

I will take the lemons and make lemonade though. I will look only at the positive, embracing her when she decides to make her rounds to see me. I mean on average it usually is only once a month that she bears her fire, and she usually will be out of my hairs in a couple days...UGH!

So as it shall be... she will come and go again next month and I will have 26 days of BLISS until she returns again....I have found solace in knowing that she is visiting my mother, my cousin, my girls, and 15 million other women who will have to embrace their weekly fate as well... PERIOD!

P.S. Sorry fellas.....I had to VENT! You know what it is....

Love you all!!!


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dr..... Feelgood....

It is always disturbing for me to hear of an untimely death, if I know the person or not, when I hear someone was killed tragically or died "unexpectedly" it makes me cringe. And of course when death happens to young people it is even harder to accept.

Over the weekend Divine learned that one of his friends, a 19 year old girl named Verdery died suddenly. No warnings, no signs, just passed on. This actually happened Wednesday November 12th, but he got the news this past Sunday. I did not know the young lady, but knew of her since we all have the same circle of friends.

When I found out I was devastated, not JUST because someone extremely close to me was mourning and heart was aching, but because this was a 19 year old beautiful women with so much promise and potential, and she was living her life day to day trying to achieve her dreams, and now just like that it is over, everything ceased.

Verdery was a 19 year old aspiring model, and she was GORGEOUS. From what I was told she died from a blood clot that was in her leg that she had no idea was there. This sounds so familiar to me because I remember hearing a similar tragedy like this when I was in high school.

This young guy was running, playing basketball like he always did on the Court and all of a sudden he fell out and died instantly due to some artery blockage.

These things happen and they are happening often. No matter what age you are, where you come is happening. There seems to be no signs of a sickness and you continue to live your life day to day but are you paying attention if a sign presented itself?

I am a strong believer that when something is not right with your body it speaks loud and clear. It may be that sharp pain in your right side that you feel once in a blue but it comes every so often so you neglect to tell your OB-GYN. It can be the migraine that you seem to be getting once a month and the pain seems to get sharper each time it visits, but you take an aspirin and write it off. It can be the sharp pain in your right chest that you pass off as gas and forget about it because it came over the summer and has not returned, or it can the soreness you feel in your limbs that right now might not seem like nothing until its rheumatic arthritis.

Being in this physical shell, we are bound to have ailments and pains, and as the years progress wear and tear happens. It is really our responsibility to GO TO THE DOCTOR at least every time your birthday runs around, UNLESS you start feeling something strange..CALL AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT ASAP!

Don't just make an appointment with your family doctor, if you are a woman you should be going to the OB-GYN at least annually and some of us go 6 months just to be safe...(that's me..I can be a Hypercondreact) Men, you have a "privates" doctor too..a Urologist who can give you your checkups down there and make sure you are right. Go to the dentist as well. Gum Disease is leading to Heart disease. Everything in our bodies are connected. There is NO excuse not to check up on your body as we do our vehicles. Unfortunately a light does not come on like our cars when something is wrong so we must stay on top of it.

So many of us get scared and we make every excuse in the world not to go. I don't care if you don't have insurance or not! GO! Your life is way more important than worrying about a Dr. Visit bill that you can pay over time. Don't get me wrong..medical bills are no joke, but there are ways to deal with that and granted you don' have any life threatening diseases, there are so many programs to help those in need get regular doctor checkups that you should be able to go.

In addition to this, I think we should all eat better. Don't eat processed foods in cans, and all that sandwich meat. It is no good and the sugars and salts that is soaked into your bloodstream is turning into a time bomb. Eat healthy, fresh greens, bright colored foods, leans meats chicken and fish, limit your beef intake and I would cut pork out my system entirely (I have not eaten beef or pork in 12 years) it's doable!

I ask all of you to go to the doctor. Make an appointment, get an annual check up if you haven't already. Even if you are feeling fine...things can remain silent and be the biggest problems.

My mom has a friend who went to get her regular mammogram as usual one year and they found a lump. She had to have immediate surgery and they caught it JUST in time literally. I always think of her and I will withhold her name to protect her privacy, but since then she has recovered fully, gotten married and looks like she is at least 35 and she is almost 20+ more than that.

We are responsible for our bodies no one else, from who we choose to lie down with, to what we put in our mouths to eat, to what we choose to inhale, it all will take a toll on our temples. Let's start treating them like GOLD and see the return on investment we get!

Love you all. STAY HEALTHY! LISTEN TO YOUR BODIES...even when they whisper!!!!

R.I.P Verdery May you rest in peace and your transition be easy. You are now an angel guiding us in this world of confusion. We need you until we see you again!


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Life & the small things...

So yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of my baby girl's existence and what an emotional day it was for me from start to finish. I know that age 4 really does not usually stand out for most as a momentous age or an age that should be celebrated at such great length's like 1, 5, 10, 16 etc., but it just amazes me that WOW!, it seemed like yesterday when my dad drove me and her father to the hospital to welcome in her debut.

She is such the little lady now. No more are the days where she sat quiet and just being on my lap was enough to get her through the minutes of each day, now I can hardly keep up with her because she is into everything and what SHE likes to do, and she is telling me "mommy stop dressing me in pink its not my color..purple is" Like EXCUSE ME!

Anyway...every time her birthday comes along we always make a spectacle out of it for her. This is mainly because when I grew up my Mom and Dad ALWAYS made my B-day something special from me waking up in the morning with my mom bearing a big bag of gifts to the later part of the evening when my dad would take us all out to celebrate JUST ME! I was blessed and I loved them for that.

It is extremely important to Divine and I to make her feel just as moved and celebrated if not more. Divine threw her a marvelous school party and then she has her main event this Saturday at Chelsea Piers, in which I know she and her miniature friends will have a ball!!!!

If it was one thing I know for sure, it is that if you ever choose to acknowledge any special day for someone skip Xmas and acknowledge their Bday. It makes people feel good and I learned that first hand from my family. Does not matter what you choose to give, it can be a card with words that move their spirit because the words speak the truth, a hug or a simple phone call ( in our day text) that can make someones day ON their day!

I just wanted to share something that moved me beyond pieces yesterday. We have been living in our apartment going on 4 years almost, and we are pretty familiar with our neighbors, but have no real relationships with any of them. There is a white family that lives right next door to us and the woman is a musical instructor. She loves kids.

One day this past summer, probably June, she said to me (and this was the most me and this woman ever spoke in the 4 years I have lived there), "Wow, how big your daughter is now, she is sooo cute and its unbelievable. I remember when she was an infant when you guys first moved in the building. When is her birthday? I would love to get her something this year."

Now when she said this I looked at her like "huh"? and I replied "awww her birthday is Nov.12th but please you don't have to do that" I even turned back and said "Really..." I shrugged it off and summed it up to she was just making small talk because we were in the elevator, no biggie.

So fast fwd to last night. DeAsia and I get off the elevator at around 9:15ish and there is a Pretty pink and black bag with bows and tissue paper flowing out of it, sitting at the door of our apartment. I thought nothing of it and just assumed Divine was up to one of his tricks again. My daughter was just loving this because of course she just knew this was for her since she had been getting little treats all day. She asked "Who put that there?"...I had no answer..I looked in and it was a card from apt. #4C and the Martine family.

I could have balled right there because my mind went back to the conversation we had in the elevator in the summer and she kept her word and followed through and she did it with the utmost sincerity there was. I was sooo touched and realized that you don't see this type of kindness anymore from strangers. I mean literally she is a stranger since we have only said "hi" and "bye" for 4 years yet she held a special place in her heart for my child and added on to her day beyond words! She added on to mine too.

We then knocked on her door to thank her but no answer. We banged and banged and she finally came ( I had woke her up) with her night gown on and DeAsia and I thanked her and DeAsia told her she loved it! It was a beautiful thing.

I know you are like well what did she get her..She bought her a cute little puppy puzzle set because she noticed DeAsia loved puppies from when we had our Dalmatian that we have since gotten ride of. And she gave her a huge art center with crayons, markers, paint. FABULOUS!

I say this to say...It's the kind gestures and little things that make the biggest impact. She could have given DeAsia a jar of cookies with a card, but the fact that she showed her emotions and sincerity for someone on their special day, and she kept her word that was just great!

So if anybody knows me well you already know I am plotting on how to make it up to this woman. I will investigate her birthday and do something sweet for her OR maybe this holiday season...Santa has just a few more people in mind on his list!

Love you all and add on in a small way that will leave a big and lasting impression!!!

Have a safe and marvelous weekend!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

LIFE IS SHORT. HAVE AN AFFAIR.™... Who is Ashley Madison?

I think I have really heard it all!!!! I usually don't take time out of my life to blog about things I see on television and especially not TYRA, but this I think is SOOOO worth people knowing about because I find it to be just unbelievable.

So TYRA who always seems to irritate me beyond words on her show with her twitching, search for extra attention and insecurities popping off the screen, spoke about this new website that has 64 MILLION clients and counting. What is this new website that has the country sweeping by storm (silently) ..Welcome to this is the new "dating" service for married people. I know you are saying "Na wat de rass dis"? (my sentiments exactly).

The creator and owner of Ashley Madison said he was inspired to create this site because when he was conducting his marketing research on dating services and dating sites..the "eharmonies" of the world..he found out that 40-50% of the people on those sites were married, so why not just cater to this high need of married people looking for "what they need". WOW!

Check out a commercial for this:

I just find this to be absolutely unreal. I guess this is what the 21st century has come too and its probably going to get even more "customized" for the human being. I agree that the owner is promoting cheating amongst couples instead of actually promoting to deal with the real issues at hand, BUT many woman and I will say it...are chasing their men to this.

I know toooo many men who are 100% afraid of telling their women the truth most of the time about ANYTHING. The truth regarding where they are going, what they ate, who they saw, what they would like to do, etc. The worst part about this is that they are not even doing anything bad, they are just withholding certain info from their woman because they feel "their woman gonna trip" or they know they will complain.

Its a sad day! The men of our world are being treated like young boys again living with their mama's because their women "hen-pecks" them and makes them feel less then a man. I am sorry but that is no way to live!!!! I would be lying if I said at some point in my life I was not one of those women. Screwing my face up sideways if my man shared something about what he wanted to do and it was with his boys, or if he wanted to go someplace without me, BUT it clicked for me..YOU CANNOT BE A WATCHDOG in your relationships! A man needs to feel like a man and if you start treating him less than that, making him feel like he is not running things then what you think...he will find that feeling some where else.

You cannot implement fear into another person and expect a relationship to work or be at its best..because communication fails and then what happens....your man is "SINGLE" on the low on one of these "dating" services. It is a sad situation, and so many woman and MEN are oblivious.

I don't want you to think it's only men going hard on these sites. Women are the main clients, and one of them said she has slept with 150 (yes) men in 6 months. She loves the "dis attachment" she gets from just typing in what she wants on the site and finding someone who matches her needs sexually, then she moves on to the next. Which makes me wonder...why isn't there an AIDS disclaimer at the end of the commercial... like seriously I heard last week GONHERRA is in high demand this season. UGH!

I believe that the best relationships are those who can be blissful and at their best when the couple is in each other's company AND relationships where each person can thrive and be who they are when they are not in each other's company. We are still all individuals who need to maintain some level of who we are OUTSIDE of the one's we love.

What happens when you want to spend every waking moment, can't do nothing without your mate being there etc. Once you guys are broken up or things go sour you begin searching (literally) for a life. You don't even know how to move in the world because you have done it only with this person, and that is not healthy.

From what I have seen most of theses "smuggler"(relationship's where the two people are white on rice all the time) relationships usually fail. Why because its just humanly goes against nature.

So with all that being said LOVE & LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!! Communicate and work things out with the one's you love so that you both are comfortable, its sooo worth you not being a victim to one of these sites that are taking over relationships one day at a time. :)

P.S. Ashely Madison was named in 2000 by the owner who said in the year 2000 Ashley and Madison were the top two baby names selected in the United States.

If you go to their website...Ashley Madison has an AFFAIR GUARANTEE! Serious. SMDH!

Love you all! Love the one's your with the way they like not the way YOU like.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008


The day is here!!! The day has arrived and like I said before there was never ever any doubt in my mind!!!! Barack Obama is the commander and chief of my nation! I am skating on cloud 10!

So now what? Well even though this victory dance will last past a couple tracks...we have a lot to do! Pres. Obama has a huge task ahead of him, and even though we are looking for tons of improvements and new found policies and a new America in general, WE too have a major responsibility at hand as well.

What is it you may ask? Well....think about it. It took us almost 200 years to get to this point. We finally have a man of color holding the highest position in our country. Even though none of us will be living in the white house or we haven't won any elections personally...WE ARE A REFLECTION of him.

WE came out in thousands and wrapped ourselves around the corners, we campaigned and rallied for him, and now WE must start acting responsible, taking part in the mission of how we as African Americans are perceived in this country. We have to start acting responsible as a race and raise our standards and goals higher.

Now is the time to not sleep in late, not call out, not settle for the okie doke, now is the time to chase the HELL outta whatever it is you want to do in your heart...we can do ANYTHING as seen Nov 4th, 2008!

I am sooooo inspired and ready to have my stake in this world. I will not stop until I have added on in a way that pleases my spirit and I have made that commitment.

It is so funny I was looking at the screen as he finished his AMAZING acceptance/victory speech and I thought of Michelle. I said wow she must be the proudest, happiest, most fortunate feeling woman on the planet! And I am 100% sure she is!

Here's to the beginning of our lives!!!!



Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Do you hear the bell ringing???

When was the last time I woke up to 17 text messages. I do not think it ever happened, not even on my birthday! lol. BUT....I did, and the content on the text was beyond worth me getting up at 6:45 am on my day off!

"Girl, I am in tears walking to the polls", "Dee there are sooo many people on line and first time voters including my father" " OMG..I feel so empowered" and the list can go on! These were texts from my various friends and family who were ALREADY on their way to the polls, if not there already to BARACK the VOTE!

So I was just sooooo excited after seeing and hearing this. I then got up, got my lil girl dressed and we went on our way to make history. YES the lines were EXTREMELY LONG...EVERYWHERE!

I have never seen this in my 26 years on this planet on election day! NEVER! I don't think anyone has seen it to this magnitude...and to see the YOUNG people was amazing!!!

I am talking young - like 18 getting their vote on early in the morning! The media better acknowledge this and they better know it's not because of ol' puffy cheeks either, and they better report that fairly. The headlines should be "Obama brings out tons of youth to the polls" or "Obama has brought LIFE back into this county and revitalized the democracy that we are supposed to live up to in this nation. "

I am soooo PROUD, sooo PROUD not only because we know how awesome he is but because as an African American woman my heart is full.

Close to 400 years ago my ancestors were brought here from their country to work as slaves to other people's land, farms, industries and to be seen as just another means of production. 40 years ago (JUST 40) 1968...we had another civil rights act signed by Lyndon B. Johnson to the follow up act of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 because we were still being discriminated against, treated less than humane, not being seen or embraced as full citizens with equal rights.

I walk to the polls and with each step I think of those before me who tried to ADD on and make a change. I think of Harriet Tubman who was a strong woman determined not to just sit and accept her life as a slave. I think of Frederick Douglas who was a firm believer in equality and also the 1st black man to run for Vice-Presidency, I think of Nat Turner, Carter G. Woodson, Booker T. Washington, George Washington Carver, W.E.B. Du Boise, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Emmitt Till, Rosa Parks.

I think of all my ancestors who shared the same blood line as me and yet I don't know there names I take steps for them.

I take steps for my NANA who is no longer here, who gave me the best years of my life, she would be SOOOOO proud and I could almost here her dotting after Obama saying "He is gonna win it all - that's a fine man".

I think of my Aunt Edna who would have gotten up and gotten ready early to be one of the first to stand in line, because her voice would have been heard first! (She was something - and don't let them do nothing shady at the polls, because you were gonna get told off) ..I take steps for my grandfathers, great aunts, and uncles and all my relatives who have passed on.

They may not be here physically but their working overboard, and they have the best seats in the house.

I look forward to tonight at around maybe 11 PM when the results are in and President Barack Obama gives his acceptance speech! I know I will be crying a river,most likely screaming and I will remember when I heard these words for the 1st time:

"...And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!³