Every time she comes around I feel like I'm an alien! Yes. She is known to be a red bone, and I LOVE to HATE her...she takes on such an evil existence in my heart. Why does she insist on coming and making my days so horribly BLAH! I am not a BLAH person but when she is around she steals a lil bit of my swexy, and I gotta a ton of that! She makes me feel just a tad bit "smaller" than her and that is never easy for me to swallow.
I am the center of this game, the starlight of my days...not HER! I don't even wanna talk to people when she comes because a part of me is not speaking from the best space in me. I allow her to make me say things that are not always pleasant for others to hear but what can I do when she is taking over my Patience and conscious mind. It is horrible! I must cure this dysfunction.
How can I allow HER to have so much control over the energy I put out into the world. A part of me really can't help it. Every time she stops by, she wants to stay with me the whole time. I mean don't you have other people to go see instead of me. I can't just let her come then drop her over to my homies house, or to my mother because she already has her own schedule with them and will see them when she is good and ready and she will make her way there BELIEVE ME!
She likes to come..stay way over her welcome, and just go on and on and on until I am literally drained of all energy, enthusiasm and excitement. I am literally left feeling 10 pounds heavier than I was the days before I knew she was in town, because I am so FULL of her s***! Oh, and I can always tell when she is "close by" , its as if I get a sharp pain in my damn back that is linked to her making her grand appearance. It is sooo crazy!
She is sooo arrogant and bold too. EGO like you would not believe. So much that my whole day is catered to making sure she is "comfortable" and "protected" and if I don't she will make sure to embarrass me so EVERYONE will know she is the MAIN BITCH!
It's even coming between me and my love! He does not understand why one day I am sweet and a pot of honey and the next I turn into this tyrant who is only good at giving orders, complaining, and screwing my face up. He said "Damn, babe how you gon let shawty do you like that...I feel like I'm alone...I should have known she was here again. You treat me like ish, its all about her, yet you hate her so much".
So what do I do? I cannot get rid of her. She has been a friend I love to hate now for 13 years and if I don't see her it will be sort of strange for me. I need her, she is the key to my life. She is the key to me making more life.
I will take the lemons and make lemonade though. I will look only at the positive, embracing her when she decides to make her rounds to see me. I mean on average it usually is only once a month that she bears her fire, and she usually will be out of my hairs in a couple days...UGH!
So as it shall be... she will come and go again next month and I will have 26 days of BLISS until she returns again....I have found solace in knowing that she is visiting my mother, my cousin, my girls, and 15 million other women who will have to embrace their weekly fate as well... PERIOD!
P.S. Sorry fellas.....I had to VENT! You know what it is....
Love you all!!!