Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"She Got Her Own House She Got Her Own Car Two Jobs Work Hard U A Bad Broad..." - Webbie (INDEPENDENT)

So it was recently told to me that I have always come across as TOO INDEPENDENT! Many might say that is a good thing, and I am proud that I have been able to basically take care of myself since I have been an adult (21+), I have had the support of a man throughout but I have always went out and done whatever it is I need to get done for me...ALONE and BY MYSELF.

I ask myself where do I get it from and why is it so innate for me to do this when other women sometimes look forward to depending on someone outside of themselves to do for them. Are we all just born differently regardless of the way we grew up? My mom worked ever since she was 21 to support our family, but my dad was there and he was the provider. My mom was fortunate enough to work and spend her money as she liked while my dad paid for everything, and took us out every so often. I grew up watching this, and it still never became a staple for me to NOT do for myself and be able to provide for me and mine.

What I did not realize in all the midst of this liberating, independent woman saga is that men feel a tad bit threatened by this LITERALLY! I know you have heard this before in some capacity that if a woman makes more than her man he may feel inadequate, or may feel like "What can I really do for her"?, but this does not just apply to the financial aspects of life. Actually, when the person told me I am too "Independent" they were actually speaking about the emotional and vulnerable side of me. They said I always take on this "I can handle it - thanks for your help but no thanks". I thought about it and it got me to thinking...this is so true within so many relationships.

I know women who have it all together! I mean making close to six figures and they are not even 30. They look amazing all the time with their new season GUCCI and their luxury lifestyles to match, but 9 times out of 10 they are not in relationships. What they have is "JUMPOFFS" or "BOO'S". This means that they have a man or male FRIEND who they can call up if they want to be given that special attention to in more ways than one. They have their fun and its done, until the next time. There is no emotional attachment, no I love yous, no Lets go meet my parents. Easy and to the point services.

This works for many and I think it has it's place in today's world, but at some point when will the independent women allow someone outside of herself to let her feel like a plush sofa. Soft, cuddly, warm, open to criticism, to let her guard down and to take in someone else at 100%. When will she let that hard "I got this" exterior come down and just let a man be a man to her? He may not make much, and he may not have everything she is looking for in one person at the moment, but he gives her unconditional love and she knows that when they are together there is no other place he rather be.

It is extremely hard today in this century and time to stay focused on the true essence of what really matters. I say this all the time, we get caught up on what society says should be. A good example of this is Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn. Here are two actors who have been together since 1983..25 years and marriage has never even been an issue. I have seen various interviews with them and you can tell there is something special there. So of course everyone wonders and wants them to be married but why should they if they are fine the way they are.

We are all spiritual beings first and energy. We tend to forget that sometimes we go through trials and tribulations as karmic debt that we owe from maybe a time or place that we no longer remember but karma is real and it must be paid. That is why I am a firm believer in do unto others as you would want to be be done unto you. Don't be INTENTIONALLY hard and insensitive. It will catch you.

We must appreciate and pay attention to the lessons in every aspect of our lives...EVERY single action and interaction has a lesson to be learned. If you try practicing this everyday you would be surprised at how much you will pick up on.

I say all this to say, my independent women, Praise to you! You are beautiful, you are strong and you have held it down for a long time, but always remember you cannot do it alone, and when love has come within your internal and external space, don't chase it..let it flow and let the love giver do as they may the best they can..without scrutiny, criticism and judgement. Love is the universal language...no matter where you come from or what you have.

Love you all! Happy Holidays!!!


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Women are from earth...Men are another dimension...

So we have all heard the old saying "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus", and when everyone hears it they will shake their head in agreement just because for some reason its the right thing to do and some would say "socially correct".

When I used to hear this saying I would also agree but really never gave it much thought but TODAY I am convinced that this is the truth so help me!

I am on the train..an old lady gets on the train with a cane...she looked about 78. She stands by the door because she cant walk too far with the train moving and with her cane. Right to her side was a woman sitting down. Then, there was a man sitting across from the old lady and woman sitting down. Do you know the man looks at the woman sitting down next to the old lady standing there and moves his crusty lips to say " Get up for the lady, come on"..WHHHAAAATTTT!

Ok, granted it was seats available on the other side, by why didnt this man THINK to get his disgustiung rass out the seat and walk over to assisst the old woman to sit down in HIS SEAT! No..he tells another woman to get up!? Whaaaaaat ...whaaatttt! That is all I could say.

I don't know why women seem to have more sense when it comes to being RESPONSIBLE, when it comes to knowing that our emotions are tied into every aspect of our lives because we are THOUGHTFUL, when it comes to taking our time to SUPPORT our friends and family. When it comes to SHARING, when it comes to GIVING, SINCERELY, when it comes to loving WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

Men...they just be! Most of them even if they are doing some pretty impressive stuff in their lives, they still don't know how to tap into that emotional, delicate side in which they take time to actually THINK how am I making this person feel? Oh, you are having something special, let me come through and show my face, oh you are not feeling well...let me clean the house and cook dinner, better yet .GET DRESS and I will bring Dinner to you, FIVE star style! *pushing it a bit..but I'm worth it!

I know I am reaching here...but Men are soooo OBLIVIOUS half the time to what we want and need as delicate creatures. A perfect world in the mind of a man would go something like this:
He wakes up at 11 AM. Eats a big breakfast that was cooked just for him, hot off the griddle pan, He goes off to the bathroom and sits on his throne for 30 minutes reading or messing with his blackberry, he then gets in a nice shower that is just the right temperature, he gets his clothes out, plays some "get fresh" music at the highest volume it can go, starts ironing as he dances and looks at himself repeatedly in the mirror, as if the mirror keeps accidentally bumping into him (no!, his vain behind just loves to look at himself), he puts his clothes on, gets his "smell goods" on, throws on the chucks and hits the street.

His day begins, he hustles and bustles, see some old friends, makes some new ones, look at a couple of nice pretty "thangs" walk across the streets of NYC, admiring their apple shaped bottoms and coca-colesque figures, turns his nose up at a few unfortunate looking ladies, gets some gas, gets hungry, makes his way back to the crib...in which there will be more food to please his big oversized appetite, and then come to you for some hugs and kisses and a little bit more.

NOW! LADIES! I know each and every woman can relate to this EVEN IF you have a man in your life who does not fit these characteristics, and traits BUT remember I said in a perfect world for him. This is what they want. They want things simple, accessible, food, drinks and loving. That is it! Of course this is not hard for us to give them and we could supply all of this with our eyes closed because we are so fly...BUT how do we do it when they piss us off so much sometime in the process.

I get madd at my home girl's boyfriends, my brother, my homeboys, my uncles, all the men in my life for the mess they can do! Men in general can really make me wonder what planet do you live on and if you know can you go back there and get a starter manual for living on earth with us, because you are most definitely missing something here.

Now us ladies, this is a prefect day for us: We get up around 9 am...(we don't need to sleep in that late), we may read the paper/mag, we make us some tea and something light, we straighten up just a bit because when we leave the house we want everything in place, we get our clothes out, listen to some "I'm all that and I know it" type music, take a shower, take out our clothes and go in our closet and get that bag and shoes that will make that outfit POP. (this could take an additional 15 minutes) unwrap the doobie, or put on the hair...if you in your sasha fierce space, spray on the "SEXY", make sure everything is turned off, take out the garbage, hit the streets. (HENCE...TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE..TURNING OFF THE LIGHST...RESPONSIBLE STUFF)

Do some grocery shopping, stop at the drug store, ask him if HE needs anything...pick him up some things he might need, or your mom said she needed, stop by see some friends and family, help about 10 people do something (does not matter what) you gave them advice, went with them some place, helped them understand something better, and you were GREAT AT IT! You come home, if you have kid's pick them up, get them situated, start dinner, help them with homework, and look who comes through the door hungry...lol.

The days are a tad bit similar but you can see we will go out of our way and do a little bit more in general outside of OURSELVES. We THINK about the next person and what they may have mentioned they liked. We take others in consideration.

My point...BROTHERS...Start thinking about those around you...slow down and stop moving so fast...you guys move so fast you loose track of the things that are most important including those around you. Be thoughtful, considerate of other people's feelings, and stop abusing women's emotions.

Women don't wanna just sleep with you because you are in the mood. Women are very much tied mentally to the way they will feel intimately...so if I hear another story about a man trying to get some of the goodness and he don't deserve it no more than the cashier at the liquor store....I will scream!

Ladies make these men WORK for it all! They got nerves..but then again they are not from here...so should they get a pass? (lol)

LOVE Ya'll!!!!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Xmas Manners..GET SOME!

If you must give gifts this year to your family and friends give them items that YOU would wear, rock, or buy. I think it is extremely offensive when you receive a gift from someone that YOU know someone else gave them but they really could do without it, so they re-gift it to you. What makes you think that person will like it?!!! SERIOUSLY

Now there are times when I have received gifts from "elders" in my family and I said "What am I gonna do with a long button down gown that looks like it was made for somebody name Elsie"...so in that case I know for a fact that maybe my grandma or some other person over 65 will really appreciate and enjoy this gift..so I re-gift. BUT!!!! If somebody gives you a cheetah print hat,sweater and scarf set and it looks like it was made for Pookie's (from New Jack City) wifey..then PLEASE DON'T!

When you get a gift that is less than what you can bare to even look at, don't be mean and ungrateful to the gift giver just smile, and take it to the salvation army or give it to a homeless person directly. I mean this may sound harsh but seriously, they will really use that ensemble and put it to good use, but don't you DARE re-gift it to someone thinking they will love it..because they probably won't.

Another thing I find horribly offensive during holiday seasons is when you get gifts from people and you know they had these items in their home for years and they just decided to put it in a gift bag with pretty tissue paper and bows and you can clearly see dust and particles on it. This is not to mention the fact that there is no tag to accompany this item.

I don't think that people should get hung up on price when it comes to gift giving. Yes, you will as a human, and I know, feel a certain way when you hand your home girl some GUCCI slippers and she hands you some Bath & Body lotions BUT it is the thought! You should have made specifications in the beginning on what price you guys were working with.

Me and my 4 girls (Fab 4) always do a gift swap and we set the maximum price not to go over, we then pick names out of a hat and we exchange over dinner or at one of our house's. This year we will be having dinner in Harlem and doing this and there should really be no surprises because we know the allotted amount to spend. If someone does go over the amount..which happens...then it is because they chose to and everyone knows that was there decision.

Another thing..if you frequent a particular hair salon, barber, cleaners, or a neighbor signs for your packages all the time because you just are not home to get them...show them a lil love. It does not have to be much! A little extra tip...maybe $50 in a card goes a long way for a tip for someone who laces your hair ALL THE TIME! Or the Doorman at work or in your building who looks out. Its the little things.

I am just a firm believer in when people really go out there way for you, you show them some love in return...and what better time then around the holidays...Do what you can! It is a recession..so this is already on everyone mind's.

My supervisor is actually cooking bags of cookies for all of us and I am hella excited about it! I love food and she is a pastry chef! Now granted she is spending $300 on all ingriedents BUT its gonna be sooo satisfying! She gets busy with the baking! lol.

If you don't have the extra cash make something from your heart, if its a dish, some jewelry, a poem... SOMETHING..but GIVE and GIVE without looking for a thing in return! Heck, you could watch somebody's kids for them while they go out on the town!

I always give when I truly feel it in my heart to do so. I am not one of those people who just has to buy gifts because its that time of year, or its someone birthday...I do it because I truly want to do it! Even if the person does not do it for me...I just love making people's day and when you take time and put energy and thought into a gift people know it.

Happy gift giving and gift receiving! Do it with style, grace and have some manners!

Love you!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure."

Women are fickle creatures....I am one...I know. I am blessed to have always had a tight knit of "friends" and I put that in quotes because anytime women call someone a friend it should come wrapped as "Fragile - Handle with care". You think you know some women and you don't know a thing. We are very sly, coy, and just plain genius!

I guess that is why they say men are dogs, because they will leave a trail of their crap behind for you to find while a women is more like a cat, she does her dirt and covers it up so well you won't have a clue.

This has nothing to with relationships with men and women. This is more with Women and Women. As I said I have always known MANY girls, and even though I know them and we are "cool" and I could hang with them on any given Sunday, I might not ROLL with them like that, if you get my drift. I don't know what it is but after awhile you just get sick and tired of being around other women when you are a woman.

I was blessed to see beyond what is presented to me at face value most of the time and I love that I have this intuition, I usually do not go broadcasting it, nor if i pick up something or a vibe will I say it to the individual because at the end of the day, what purpose will that serve but a cat fight. I have known when one of my friends has said something behind my back, felt envious inside about my joy, and even insulted my character when I am not there to defend myself.

So what does this mean? Do I not speak to these women ever again? Do I destroy a relationship that has had such great moments, laughs that were stronger than labor pains that made my days feel worth living, experiences that were soo great should have been filmed by a camera crew because it was worth capturing on tape. I will not do anything, if the person is worth it in my life and I know they genuinely love me...I let it go. It is a battle worth leaving on the ground.

Those ways are just human behavior. I realize some people just cannot avoid but being this way. I think women catch the bad wrap most of the time as "back stabbers" and "Caddy creatures" because we are more likely to tell it like it is while men are more "I don't give a ....".

So funny you will see girls tight as a pair of skinny jeans from H&M and then you see the same two girls a couple years later and she is like " please I don't talk to that heffa no more". Sometimes its a sad situation but most of the time I can find solace in knowing that some women have the strength to just LEAVE a bad relationship be it with another man or a woman.

You know how hard it is for some people to just say they are going to do something and do it, especially in relationships. If you outgrow somebody or their behavior there is nothing wrong with saying so and keeping it tracking! Especially if that person is not being a true friend to you. I have learned to take people in doses because if you take too much of their energy it will become EXTRA STRENGTH and might make you drowsy.

Know your limits with people, know when to shut up and be happy with what you are working with already! You cannot be your neighbor know matter how hard you try, you won't possess her charm, her wit, and her cleverness, but you have your own qualities that you can sharpen to make just as much as statement.

If you choose not to do these things...then maybe the friend train is packed and you have to wait for the next train. You are not ready. BE A FRIEND to yourself FIRST! Then go and seek others, maybe you will learn to treat them as you treat yourself, and I would hope that is the best possible care.

Ethel Barrymore once said "The best time to make friends is before you need them." If this is not the most truth EVER I don't know what is.



Thursday, December 11, 2008

Clean Nails, White Teeth & Moisturized Elbows!

I grew up with a woman who was one of the cleanest, organized, scheduled woman I think to have walked the earth. Maybe that is why I am soo anal, organized and a neat freak myself. My Nana would wake up at 4:45 am EVERY morning even though she was not going to work to get in the bathroom, put on her clothes and make her bed. I used to always wonder ...WHY?

She did not have a job she was going to because she was a homemaker from the time I was small, nobody was stopping by in the mornings, so there was no real reason for her to get up so early and do all these things as if she was expecting a house full by 8 am. Nor was anyone coming to judge the cleanliness of her house.

As I have gotten older I have learned why she wanted to do these things, and why she did. It had nothing to do with anyone outside of herself. She did it because this is the type of woman she was. She was clean, she was very put together and she wanted that to be in place everyday for HERSELF. She wanted those around her to be that way and she instilled these same traits and expectations in me....now that I fast forward 20 years...I notice so many similarities in myself from her.

I say all this to say...ever since I was small I have always been attracted to people who kept themselves up as well and was CLEAN! This may sound like a standard requirement but you would be surprised how these young girls these days settle for little boys who are looking very DUTTY to say the least. They are ashy, dirt all up under their nails, and have the nerve to have a stench.

My professor was telling us yesterday in class about some of the boys in her 7th grade class. She made a point about how this "jeans all the way to the middle of your thigh" look is sooo played and horrible and not only because it looks bad but because she notices that most of the boys are wearing the same underwear everyday. How does she know? Mainly because the hole is in the same spot it was in 2 days ago and the day before. If he were bathing wouldn't he put on some new boxers?

Granted, I do understand some people are not as fortunate as others and the kid might not have a variety of clothes, but the reality is many of these little boys are non-hygienic including young men(18-23) which leaves these girls open to really nothing to choose from. As I was told as a young girl "pick your men like you pick your fruit", but if all the fruit are rotten....then what?

I used to see one of my neighbors in the hallway with her little crusty boyfriend every day in the lobby last summer. This was a pretty girl, tall and very smart. I would look at her crusty boyfriend with his dingy hoody, non-braided hair all over the place and looking less that impressive, and she was all up in his mix. I wanted to ask her so many times, you are OK with that?! Is it OK that he looks sooo ridiculous and keeps your company when you try so hard and always look cute?

Make a long story short I see her the other day in the elevator and she is with a belly! *SMH* (Shaking My Head). She is only 17. Now do we blame the parents? Do we blame her? Or do we blame anyone? I think it goes back to the standards we have for ourselves. Had she set her standards high then maybe she would not even been talking to this guy to begin with.

That is not to say that if she gave her attention to a guy who every time he saw her he looked great and he put some effort and time into looking and smelling clean and fresh, that she still would not be pregnant, but I think it does say something about the character and the person.

Some may argue that it is shallow to judge how a person is by the way they keep themselves, but I disagree. I have seen and experienced the difference in people who take a little extra time to be a certain way when the world sees them, and it does reflect something inside of them.

I just want my young ladies to at least acknowledge and appreciate a man who cleans his nails, takes care of his mouth and does not run from using a little moisturizer. I think it goes a long way, and it may say a great deal about how much you mean to him.

Ladies it should just go without saying that we are clean, and we are taking care of ourselves and our personal life. Don't give me that I am liberated garbage and you don't care! Believe it or not the way you keep your place, and the external things around you is a huge reflection on the way you are feeling on the inside. If your apartment or house is in disarray most likely you are as well inside on some level, may it be emotional, or spiritual. It sounds crazy but its true.

I say be beautiful for you! Forget what everybody else is thinking and looking for. Do it because you wanna make yourself the best for yourself. You will be surprised what you start to attract in your world. At the end of the day, we ARE who we ATTRACT!

Love you!


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

ain't nothing but LOVE...thats what it is....

Why is it that one of the most pleasurable and euphoric feelings we get can cause so much complication and misunderstanding alll the time in our lives. What feeling am I referring to? What highest level of understanding can I be speaking of? LOVE.

Yes LOVE. The word itself to me has become soooo cliche. I had a deep conversation this weekend with my homegirl, and she agrees and I agree DON'T EVEN TELL ME YOU LOVE ME......SHOW ME!

That is the name of the game these days! I remember watching old TV sitcoms or movies and the big thing was when the guy (or in some cases the girl) would look over in the actor's eyes with almost a glare of water in their own gaze and say those three words "I Love you".

Yes the fireworks were going off, the person on the receiving end of the love ode was almost in tears and could not help but reach over and give the biggest kiss and hug that you can imagine. BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Don't get me wrong. I am sucker for a good love story and I am a romantic at heart. I love everything sweet and sincere..but that's just it! These days you are lucky if when someone tells you that they love you they REALLLLY mean it and have an understanding of the fragile state that emotion puts you in.

Yes you can love someone but I think the focus has left of really showing and going over the depth of the mountains to express those feelings. I just laugh when couples say "oh we been married/together twenty something years"...but then when you are around them it feels like you are in a prison and the both of them are plotting the ultimate escape but have not yet contrived the plan.

I mean all the best to those couples who have the commitment and stamina to live with a person for so long, that is not to be overlooked because as we all know living with another person can be a test of sanity. (lol) But why suffer and be unhappy if at the end of the day you feel like you are living an episode of "Married with Children".

I bring this back to my original point. When love is present it never needs to be questioned, it does not have to be said, you feel it in your bones, your heart skips a beat and you can just look in that person's face and feel complete and happy. Its a rarity but it exists.

I have touched on this before but I bring it BACK up because there are just too many instances and people in and around my personal life in which I see people forcing themselves to believe they are in love. Why want and hope for an emotion that is not there or maybe has not ever been there. Are you remaining in a situation for appearances purposes? Are you doing it because you are afraid to be alone? What is it?

Love comes and it comes at the most unexpected times! I have told so many people this. Love also comes from people who you may not initially had any type of interest in and wasn't looking for it from but that person showed and proved it on a level that swept you off your feet.

Love is not just feeling good during a session of intimacy, love is not taking me out every other weekend to dinner and a movie, love is connecting with an individual where not so many others can. Love is laughing at the same things without having to say what you are laughing at. Love is watching the person's movement and feeling a rush of adrenaline. Love is listening, love is nurturing, love is not wanting to be any other place but with that person. Love is wishing you were with them when you are not with them and you just left them!

Love is being ride or die, got your back no matter what. Love is letting you hang with your boys/girls, and not stressing you out about it. Love is free, love just is.

Yes it is different for everyone, but I know what it is not. Love is not possession, love is not abuse, love is not being selfish, love is not jealous, love is not pety and its not EASY to find these days.

I know LOVE. I know him very well. But as Shakespeare said "The course of true love never did run smooth". So expect to feel the euphoria...welcome it in! embrace but know that Love is a pain in the "bockside"...as my Belizian mama would say.

You live, you love and you WILL hurt! But its all worth it. Don't let the pain that comes from one love steer you from embracing the new wave of Love coming your way. Don't force nothing that is not happening naturally. Love ALWAYS HAPPENS NATURALLY! Remember that too. So let love come and go if it must. Let the door of your heart remain open because if you close it...you shut off your soul from flying and spirit from dancing!

When I speak of love I don't just speak of romantic, intimate relationships either! I speak of relationships you have with your girls, your boys and your family. All relationships. I was just telling me homeboy yesterday "I love your girl...don't be jealous".lol. He was like I am! lol. He was kidding, but that's my home girl and I love her and I mean it! I love our friendship and I would not trade it in for nothing.

Love is taking time to spend it with someone else. So what you are tired, so what it's cold, so what you dont have a ride...when you love someones's company you are down to roll with them and be in their present if they need you too, and I am lucky to have that from my homegirl. She is down for me and I am down for her no matter what! She keeps her word and i can appreciate that.

This past weekend I hung out with my homies and we had some of the best fun in a long time, and we were just acting silly and laughing and eating and that's LOVE! Like it is not all about "intimacy"...

I love my cousin who I share some of the funniest stories with on the daily because we are so much alike! She is really my sister! I can talk to her like no one else! She is a walking genius too..she knows everything and she is knowing LOVE these days! *winks*.

I love my aunt who if I ever need to call her to do me favor she will and she has...(I need a recommendation letter like now, she would do and has done it..she knows who she is). I always talk about the love for my parents who instilled the best values and integrity in me. I love my second mom too. I am not married but I have always held my "mother-n-law" in high regard because she has been there for me as if she pushed me out.

I love my girls who I have known for years (we call ourselves the FAB 4) and I can always depend on them to come and support something I am doing no matter what.

I love my O berries...she knows who she is.

I love you all who read my blog and hit me up and tell me how much you enjoyed it and how you needed that. I love you soo much! I am in a space of LOVE...and I am taking it all in. No one can steal my high. I am freee to be and free to love and as a special someone would say "there is nothing you can do about it" -- (Divine quote)



Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pay it forward!

So....yesterday was a long day for me to say the least! I had so much to do and I am in the homestretch of this semester at school, which might I add.. one class is just KILLING me ..but I am surviving and will come out victorious. I am 100% sure.

I got home pretty late last night and me and my lil munchkin are towing ourselves around the corner from my place, since every night I find myself parking further and further away from my house. We are supposedly in a recession yet I see more and more people are buying cars and seem to be living pretty darn well in my neck of the woods, which is preventing me from finding a spot EVERY NIGHT and I am parking blocks away form my front door...(Not hating just saying).

As we are taking our looong walk I can't help but start thinking about all the things I will have to do once we get inside and how it is already 10 pm and I have tons of stuff to do! How do I end up wishing for more time every single night?! Why aren't there any calm, "nothing to do" moments happening with me lately?

Then my mind wanders to this little person holding my hand, who is cranky as she can be and in one of her stubborn Scorpion moods (Scorpio's are something...if you didn't know..but that's another blog. I love them to death though).

I start thinking about how once we get inside, it's going to be another mommy challenge to get her ready for bed since its late. She has no real sense of time, and think "oh we are just getting home so I am coloring for an hour, watching a little Cinderella, eat some Teddy grahams and catch up on some Blue's Clues. When "NO"! Its 10:30 pm. Miss DeAsia and time to go to sleep.

So as we are walking to the front of my building I notice there is a cellphone on the ground under a Mercedes that is vibrating. I see it and then I say to myself, caught up in all my thoughts and rambling..."Dang, another phone lost". DeAsia is running way ahead of me now and I am focused on her slowing down so I just keep walking, then it was as if my spirit said "You can't leave that phone there! Someone needs it and its ringing because the owner has probably tried to call a hundred times already hoping someone will pick it up and tell them where it is" .

Decisions, Decisions. Usually I would have picked it up when I first saw it but with all my hustle and bustle and chasing my 4 year old elder. (she is an old lady I swear)...I walked by.

After my debating with my spirit, I went back and picked up the phone, and took it upstairs. I called the number that was last called after looking at the call log..and it was dialed 56 times! (O-D I know).

Her name was Nakyia, she was a nurse, I told her I found her phone on the ground and I have it, and she can come and pick it up as soon as she can. She was soooooo grateful and could not stop saying how much she needed that phone. She lived right around the corner and was at my house within 8 minutes. (I timed her).

When she came she went on and on and made me feel like I was about to receive a lifetime achievement award...it was awkward but I felt good! To be honest the only reason I picked up the phone and returned it was because had it been mine I would want someone to do the same for me. I live my life by that creed, "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you".

Surprisingly after returning the phone and coming back upstairs, everything went smoothly. Miss DeAsia didn't ask for her night time snack, she didn't wanna stay up and watch NOGGIN, she was very cooperative, put on her pajamas and went to bed, with a small request to get the covers off of her because she was HOTT!

I handled my last minute business on the PC and was in bed at a "decent" time.

Life is all what you make it, we get so caught up in our head and rambling about what we have to do next, when if we just live in the moment, and be present to every minute ..life just happens and works itself out, and you may make someones day in the process...as I did for Nakyia.

Enjoy the rest of you week and have a FABULOUS weekend!!!

Love you all!!!


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Check out that foot work....

It is something to be said about someone who dances through this party of life and not miss a beat. Sounds easy but it takes your full attention, and WILL to come to this party, not feel the ambiance at times but still get up and dance to the music making the best of it.

My father used to tell me in high school, There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask, "What happened?", I always used to tell him I am the "Maker" I will be the master of my plans and run my own show. Its always a sad sight to watch people be in that last category but it happens SOOO often, and when you start seeing people close to you become a part of the "What Happened" crew it is even more devastating. Depending on your state of consciousness.

Opportunities and success in this day and age really comes down to who you know. It is not fair at times for person A who builds, studies and practices his craft day in and day out to loose his chance because person B who looks good and has a tad bit of swagger and happens to know somebody at the top gets it. We might say person A deserves it. Well that is the way life is. An do I think its not fair, NO!

My motto has always been do whatever it takes to get the job done. This does not mean that you sell your soul to the devil, for What does it mean for the man to gain the word but loose his soul. When I say do whatever it takes I mean learn and dissect whatever it is you are trying to attack and accomplish it the best way it can get done. If that means going to some events and schmoozing, and being available then do it, if that means staying a little bit later to appear to be ready and able to sacrifice then do it, if it means meeting the right people and saying the right things say it.

Not everything is papers and pencils, you need some common sense, some swagger, some confidence, some insight into the world around you and what is going on in this world so you can be sharp and on point, and socially mastered. So many people have no idea how to be social, and to me that is one of the hugest parts of success! I know first hand how being social opens a gazillion doors for you, more than any degree can.

In addition what do kind of work are you doing and is it relevant to where you plan to go in 5 years? If not, get something new to do! I believe any job that is monotonous where you do the same exact thing daily is going to make you ignorant. I do not say that to insult anyone who may have this type of job, but pay attention to what you are doing. Anytime you are doing anything repetitiously
in the same way it keeps you dummied down and from expanding on your intellect. You eventually become a robot and start being afraid to take in anything new may it be information, activities or even people.

You must force yourself to always think and think critically, even when you are doing minute things that are small,force yourself to look at it critically and in a different way. Dissect people, situations, solutions and see how your paradigm will start to change.

I am a believer that if you change your way of thinking you can change your life. Start living outside the box that this society has built with it's stupidity to keep you distracted. Make your own rules! When someone says or does something that appears to be a little off, stop breathe and think about why before you jump off the handle and assume the worst. I myself have learned this, and it is not easy, but worth it. You will be surprised how most of the time you over analyze everything.

I just wanna give a big shout out to my cousin KIVA who recently started her own Event planning company! She is doing it HUGE! And it came from her realizing that "I am good at this...why not! If anyone needs an event planned let me know and I will forward her catalog on to you.

So my original point was ...DANCE! Dance to you are dripping with sweat, and so what if the party is not what you thought it would be ...You make the beats and you work it out! Make them say ...wow look at that foot work! Stop worrying about who is watching...they wish they were you up there.

LOVE YOU ALL! (i mean it)


Thursday, November 27, 2008


I am in the spirit this holiday season hardcore!!!! I am a sucker for the Thanksgiving and Xmas season(yes we put our tree up Wednesday night)...I Absolutely LOVE the slow creep of Thanksgiving and the cooking, aromas and full belly's that accompany it. I usually do not cook a big dinner at our place since I can just go off to my grandma, or mama's house and get my grub all the way on...but since having my own family now and own little cabode I call home I decided why not GO IN, since I cook almost every other day.

I woke up early Thursday morning at 7 am and made an all out feast and it was Delicious! I think I was even more prompted to do this because it is important for me to set the standard for my lil girl so she knows YES YOU GOTTA COOK as you become a woman and hold it down. She loves to be in the kitchen with me already and tries to help out. She knows she has a momma who is a "FOODIE" and all out obsessed with anything edible so she has no choice.

The day went great! I cooked food for us at home, we ate, then we went to my 2nd family's house (Divine's mom house) and we got it all the way in some more and then headed over to my Grandma's. So that was a total of 4 times we ate in one day and that is excluding all the cakes, pies and treats. I am feeling extra swelled right now but it is sooo worth it.

Eating and breaking bread with those closest to me is what it is all about. The memories of talking, sharing stories and opinions and getting into heated debates about Beyonce being better that Alicia Keys (of course this was my POV) is what makes it all worth it. The saying of the grace in which someone starts reciting the lord's prayer instead by accident (clearly one of the funniest of the evening - thanks Daddy) and watching DeAsia run nonstop in circles after drinking her first cup of Pepsi in her life(and it WILL be her last, way to hyper). I thought I would give her a treat since it was Thanksgiving and she is the BIG 4...but she reacted way too *POOKIE (*addict from New Jack City) for me to continue with that.

Anyway all in all I had a fabulous day and I am so thankful for all the good food, drinks, laughs, and did I say FOOD! In addition thankful for my family and friends who all sent me the most thoughtful sweetest texts, THANK YOU! I am forever grateful that I am in your thoughts and on your roster to show LOVE!

I am extremely thankful for the foundation my ancestors have set for me to build on the goals I am to accomplish!

I love you all and don't hesitate to eat again if you feel like it! Another day another GOBBLE! Looking forward to leftover Fridays!!!! OWWWWW!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

...and if you say REAL TALK I probably won't believe you... (Andre 3000)

Why is it so damn hard for some people to keep it real! And really keep it real. Like say what the hell is really on their mind instead of sugar coating it and wrapping it up in a nice likkle knapsack with a bow!

I had a conversation/argument with a pretty cool friend of mine. We have not known each other all our lives but we met 3 years ago and we have been cool as hell ever since. She is one of the most emotional people I have in my life, but she is also one of the realest, smartest and "handle her business" chicks I know..which is why I keep her in my life.

Anyway...she basically called herself "reading me" the other day after we got into a heated debate as we usually do. She said to me " You know Deandra I don't think the closest people around you are being honest with you because it shows in the way you take constructive criticism. I think due to your strong personality and aggression a lot of people will refrain from telling you things because they are afraid of your reaction..but me I don't give a S***!

WHOA! So when she said this I immediately went off the handle once again, defending the people in my life and saying of course they tell me the real BUT then I thought about it, I could come up with a couple people I KNOW for a fact hold back. My mother and Divine have been telling me for years I am the worst at taking constructive criticism, and mainly because a part of me feels that I am RIGHT most of the time (forgive my EGO right now). lol.

So what did I do to my friend who I can COUNT on to tell me off and tell me when she thinks I am wrong...I told her You are right my dear! I love it! I love how you can show me these things and there is no other YOU in my life! You add on to me and help me see who I am when I am caught up in the suck. Which can be often.

I say this to say...We all may fall victim to holding back and not telling those in our life how we really feel..even when it comes to the smallest things. But if somebody means something to you then I feel in my heart that you are in their life for a reason. We all are not perfect and we all need help sometimes to get from point A to B. Only when we work as a collective can we start to see progress most of the time.

Now don't get me wrong, of course most of the answers are within ourselves and when we get in that space to be with us and to listen to the Oneness in our spirits we are at our best!, but sometimes to get to that space takes a tap on the shoulder from your mom, your dad, your brother, a homie or sometimes a stranger!

Be open to critique...filter out the BS and the hate...and take what you need from it to grow and to be a better diamond in the rough.

I know some of you have said why you always referencing Jay-Z in your blogs, but I like to reference Jay-z rhymes a lot because he is one of the only artists I know who can talk such TRUTH, say it CLEAR as day and you feel it in your toes and it hits you like "YOOOO that ish is HOTT".

In his song "Song Cry" which is one of my ABSOLUTE FAVES! He references to this same exact point I make. Appreciating someone who can give it to you hard, raw...and not care how you take it. I will put the whole verse below so you can enjoy it....but the last line is what brings it home for me.

Love you all!!!!! BE HONEST...BE TRUE....BE A FRIEND!


"Good dudes - I know you love me like cooked food
Even though a n*** got move like a crook move
We was together on the block since free lunch
We shoulda been together havin 4 Seasons brunch
We used to use umbrellas to face the bad weather
So now we travel first class to change the forecast
Never in bunches, just me and you
I loved your point of view cause you held no punches"-Jay Z Song Cry

Thursday, November 20, 2008

They call her Red Bone...

Every time she comes around I feel like I'm an alien! Yes. She is known to be a red bone, and I LOVE to HATE her...she takes on such an evil existence in my heart. Why does she insist on coming and making my days so horribly BLAH! I am not a BLAH person but when she is around she steals a lil bit of my swexy, and I gotta a ton of that! She makes me feel just a tad bit "smaller" than her and that is never easy for me to swallow.

I am the center of this game, the starlight of my days...not HER! I don't even wanna talk to people when she comes because a part of me is not speaking from the best space in me. I allow her to make me say things that are not always pleasant for others to hear but what can I do when she is taking over my Patience and conscious mind. It is horrible! I must cure this dysfunction.

How can I allow HER to have so much control over the energy I put out into the world. A part of me really can't help it. Every time she stops by, she wants to stay with me the whole time. I mean don't you have other people to go see instead of me. I can't just let her come then drop her over to my homies house, or to my mother because she already has her own schedule with them and will see them when she is good and ready and she will make her way there BELIEVE ME!

She likes to come..stay way over her welcome, and just go on and on and on until I am literally drained of all energy, enthusiasm and excitement. I am literally left feeling 10 pounds heavier than I was the days before I knew she was in town, because I am so FULL of her s***! Oh, and I can always tell when she is "close by" , its as if I get a sharp pain in my damn back that is linked to her making her grand appearance. It is sooo crazy!

She is sooo arrogant and bold too. EGO like you would not believe. So much that my whole day is catered to making sure she is "comfortable" and "protected" and if I don't she will make sure to embarrass me so EVERYONE will know she is the MAIN BITCH!

It's even coming between me and my love! He does not understand why one day I am sweet and a pot of honey and the next I turn into this tyrant who is only good at giving orders, complaining, and screwing my face up. He said "Damn, babe how you gon let shawty do you like that...I feel like I'm alone...I should have known she was here again. You treat me like ish, its all about her, yet you hate her so much".

So what do I do? I cannot get rid of her. She has been a friend I love to hate now for 13 years and if I don't see her it will be sort of strange for me. I need her, she is the key to my life. She is the key to me making more life.

I will take the lemons and make lemonade though. I will look only at the positive, embracing her when she decides to make her rounds to see me. I mean on average it usually is only once a month that she bears her fire, and she usually will be out of my hairs in a couple days...UGH!

So as it shall be... she will come and go again next month and I will have 26 days of BLISS until she returns again....I have found solace in knowing that she is visiting my mother, my cousin, my girls, and 15 million other women who will have to embrace their weekly fate as well... PERIOD!

P.S. Sorry fellas.....I had to VENT! You know what it is....

Love you all!!!


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Dr..... Feelgood....

It is always disturbing for me to hear of an untimely death, if I know the person or not, when I hear someone was killed tragically or died "unexpectedly" it makes me cringe. And of course when death happens to young people it is even harder to accept.

Over the weekend Divine learned that one of his friends, a 19 year old girl named Verdery died suddenly. No warnings, no signs, just passed on. This actually happened Wednesday November 12th, but he got the news this past Sunday. I did not know the young lady, but knew of her since we all have the same circle of friends.

When I found out I was devastated, not JUST because someone extremely close to me was mourning and heart was aching, but because this was a 19 year old beautiful women with so much promise and potential, and she was living her life day to day trying to achieve her dreams, and now just like that it is over, everything ceased.

Verdery was a 19 year old aspiring model, and she was GORGEOUS. From what I was told she died from a blood clot that was in her leg that she had no idea was there. This sounds so familiar to me because I remember hearing a similar tragedy like this when I was in high school.

This young guy was running, playing basketball like he always did on the Court and all of a sudden he fell out and died instantly due to some artery blockage.

These things happen and they are happening often. No matter what age you are, where you come from...it is happening. There seems to be no signs of a sickness and you continue to live your life day to day but are you paying attention if a sign presented itself?

I am a strong believer that when something is not right with your body it speaks loud and clear. It may be that sharp pain in your right side that you feel once in a blue but it comes every so often so you neglect to tell your OB-GYN. It can be the migraine that you seem to be getting once a month and the pain seems to get sharper each time it visits, but you take an aspirin and write it off. It can be the sharp pain in your right chest that you pass off as gas and forget about it because it came over the summer and has not returned, or it can the soreness you feel in your limbs that right now might not seem like nothing until its rheumatic arthritis.

Being in this physical shell, we are bound to have ailments and pains, and as the years progress wear and tear happens. It is really our responsibility to GO TO THE DOCTOR at least every time your birthday runs around, UNLESS you start feeling something strange..CALL AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT ASAP!

Don't just make an appointment with your family doctor, if you are a woman you should be going to the OB-GYN at least annually and some of us go 6 months just to be safe...(that's me..I can be a Hypercondreact) Men, you have a "privates" doctor too..a Urologist who can give you your checkups down there and make sure you are right. Go to the dentist as well. Gum Disease is leading to Heart disease. Everything in our bodies are connected. There is NO excuse not to check up on your body as we do our vehicles. Unfortunately a light does not come on like our cars when something is wrong so we must stay on top of it.

So many of us get scared and we make every excuse in the world not to go. I don't care if you don't have insurance or not! GO! Your life is way more important than worrying about a Dr. Visit bill that you can pay over time. Don't get me wrong..medical bills are no joke, but there are ways to deal with that and granted you don' have any life threatening diseases, there are so many programs to help those in need get regular doctor checkups that you should be able to go.

In addition to this, I think we should all eat better. Don't eat processed foods in cans, and all that sandwich meat. It is no good and the sugars and salts that is soaked into your bloodstream is turning into a time bomb. Eat healthy, fresh greens, bright colored foods, leans meats chicken and fish, limit your beef intake and I would cut pork out my system entirely (I have not eaten beef or pork in 12 years) it's doable!

I ask all of you to go to the doctor. Make an appointment, get an annual check up if you haven't already. Even if you are feeling fine...things can remain silent and be the biggest problems.

My mom has a friend who went to get her regular mammogram as usual one year and they found a lump. She had to have immediate surgery and they caught it JUST in time literally. I always think of her and I will withhold her name to protect her privacy, but since then she has recovered fully, gotten married and looks like she is at least 35 and she is almost 20+ more than that.

We are responsible for our bodies no one else, from who we choose to lie down with, to what we put in our mouths to eat, to what we choose to inhale, it all will take a toll on our temples. Let's start treating them like GOLD and see the return on investment we get!

Love you all. STAY HEALTHY! LISTEN TO YOUR BODIES...even when they whisper!!!!

R.I.P Verdery May you rest in peace and your transition be easy. You are now an angel guiding us in this world of confusion. We need you until we see you again!


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Life & the small things...

So yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of my baby girl's existence and what an emotional day it was for me from start to finish. I know that age 4 really does not usually stand out for most as a momentous age or an age that should be celebrated at such great length's like 1, 5, 10, 16 etc., but it just amazes me that WOW!, it seemed like yesterday when my dad drove me and her father to the hospital to welcome in her debut.

She is such the little lady now. No more are the days where she sat quiet and just being on my lap was enough to get her through the minutes of each day, now I can hardly keep up with her because she is into everything and what SHE likes to do, and she is telling me "mommy stop dressing me in pink its not my color..purple is"...lol. Like EXCUSE ME!

Anyway...every time her birthday comes along we always make a spectacle out of it for her. This is mainly because when I grew up my Mom and Dad ALWAYS made my B-day something special from me waking up in the morning with my mom bearing a big bag of gifts to the later part of the evening when my dad would take us all out to celebrate JUST ME! I was blessed and I loved them for that.

It is extremely important to Divine and I to make her feel just as moved and celebrated if not more. Divine threw her a marvelous school party and then she has her main event this Saturday at Chelsea Piers, in which I know she and her miniature friends will have a ball!!!!

If it was one thing I know for sure, it is that if you ever choose to acknowledge any special day for someone skip Xmas and acknowledge their Bday. It makes people feel good and I learned that first hand from my family. Does not matter what you choose to give, it can be a card with words that move their spirit because the words speak the truth, a hug or a simple phone call ( in our day text) that can make someones day ON their day!

I just wanted to share something that moved me beyond pieces yesterday. We have been living in our apartment going on 4 years almost, and we are pretty familiar with our neighbors, but have no real relationships with any of them. There is a white family that lives right next door to us and the woman is a musical instructor. She loves kids.

One day this past summer, probably June, she said to me (and this was the most me and this woman ever spoke in the 4 years I have lived there), "Wow, how big your daughter is now, she is sooo cute and its unbelievable. I remember when she was an infant when you guys first moved in the building. When is her birthday? I would love to get her something this year."

Now when she said this I looked at her like "huh"? and I replied "awww her birthday is Nov.12th but please you don't have to do that" I even turned back and said "Really..." I shrugged it off and summed it up to she was just making small talk because we were in the elevator, no biggie.

So fast fwd to last night. DeAsia and I get off the elevator at around 9:15ish and there is a Pretty pink and black bag with bows and tissue paper flowing out of it, sitting at the door of our apartment. I thought nothing of it and just assumed Divine was up to one of his tricks again. My daughter was just loving this because of course she just knew this was for her since she had been getting little treats all day. She asked "Who put that there?"...I had no answer..I looked in and it was a card from apt. #4C and the Martine family.

I could have balled right there because my mind went back to the conversation we had in the elevator in the summer and she kept her word and followed through and she did it with the utmost sincerity there was. I was sooo touched and realized that you don't see this type of kindness anymore from strangers. I mean literally she is a stranger since we have only said "hi" and "bye" for 4 years yet she held a special place in her heart for my child and added on to her day beyond words! She added on to mine too.

We then knocked on her door to thank her but no answer. We banged and banged and she finally came ( I had woke her up) with her night gown on and DeAsia and I thanked her and DeAsia told her she loved it! It was a beautiful thing.

I know you are like well what did she get her..She bought her a cute little puppy puzzle set because she noticed DeAsia loved puppies from when we had our Dalmatian that we have since gotten ride of. And she gave her a huge art center with crayons, markers, paint. FABULOUS!

I say this to say...It's the kind gestures and little things that make the biggest impact. She could have given DeAsia a jar of cookies with a card, but the fact that she showed her emotions and sincerity for someone on their special day, and she kept her word that was just great!

So if anybody knows me well you already know I am plotting on how to make it up to this woman. I will investigate her birthday and do something sweet for her OR maybe this holiday season...Santa has just a few more people in mind on his list!

Love you all and add on in a small way that will leave a big and lasting impression!!!

Have a safe and marvelous weekend!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

LIFE IS SHORT. HAVE AN AFFAIR.™... Who is Ashley Madison?

I think I have really heard it all!!!! I usually don't take time out of my life to blog about things I see on television and especially not TYRA, but this I think is SOOOO worth people knowing about because I find it to be just unbelievable.

So TYRA who always seems to irritate me beyond words on her show with her twitching, search for extra attention and insecurities popping off the screen, spoke about this new website that has 64 MILLION clients and counting. What is this new website that has the country sweeping by storm (silently) ..Welcome to AshleyMadison.com this is the new "dating" service for married people. I know you are saying "Na wat de rass dis"? (my sentiments exactly).

The creator and owner of Ashley Madison said he was inspired to create this site because when he was conducting his marketing research on dating services and dating sites..the "eharmonies" of the world..he found out that 40-50% of the people on those sites were married, so why not just cater to this high need of married people looking for "what they need". WOW!

Check out a commercial for this:

I just find this to be absolutely unreal. I guess this is what the 21st century has come too and its probably going to get even more "customized" for the human being. I agree that the owner is promoting cheating amongst couples instead of actually promoting to deal with the real issues at hand, BUT many woman and I will say it...are chasing their men to this.

I know toooo many men who are 100% afraid of telling their women the truth most of the time about ANYTHING. The truth regarding where they are going, what they ate, who they saw, what they would like to do, etc. The worst part about this is that they are not even doing anything bad, they are just withholding certain info from their woman because they feel "their woman gonna trip" or they know they will complain.

Its a sad day! The men of our world are being treated like young boys again living with their mama's because their women "hen-pecks" them and makes them feel less then a man. I am sorry but that is no way to live!!!! I would be lying if I said at some point in my life I was not one of those women. Screwing my face up sideways if my man shared something about what he wanted to do and it was with his boys, or if he wanted to go someplace without me, BUT it clicked for me..YOU CANNOT BE A WATCHDOG in your relationships! A man needs to feel like a man and if you start treating him less than that, making him feel like he is not running things then what you think...he will find that feeling some where else.

You cannot implement fear into another person and expect a relationship to work or be at its best..because communication fails and then what happens....your man is "SINGLE" on the low on one of these "dating" services. It is a sad situation, and so many woman and MEN are oblivious.

I don't want you to think it's only men going hard on these sites. Women are the main clients, and one of them said she has slept with 150 (yes) men in 6 months. She loves the "dis attachment" she gets from just typing in what she wants on the site and finding someone who matches her needs sexually, then she moves on to the next. Which makes me wonder...why isn't there an AIDS disclaimer at the end of the commercial... like seriously I heard last week GONHERRA is in high demand this season. UGH!

I believe that the best relationships are those who can be blissful and at their best when the couple is in each other's company AND relationships where each person can thrive and be who they are when they are not in each other's company. We are still all individuals who need to maintain some level of who we are OUTSIDE of the one's we love.

What happens when you want to spend every waking moment, can't do nothing without your mate being there etc. Once you guys are broken up or things go sour you begin searching (literally) for a life. You don't even know how to move in the world because you have done it only with this person, and that is not healthy.

From what I have seen most of theses "smuggler"(relationship's where the two people are white on rice all the time) relationships usually fail. Why because its just humanly goes against nature.

So with all that being said LOVE & LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!! Communicate and work things out with the one's you love so that you both are comfortable, its sooo worth you not being a victim to one of these sites that are taking over relationships one day at a time. :)

P.S. Ashely Madison was named in 2000 by the owner who said in the year 2000 Ashley and Madison were the top two baby names selected in the United States.

If you go to their website...Ashley Madison has an AFFAIR GUARANTEE! Serious. SMDH!

Love you all! Love the one's your with the way they like not the way YOU like.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008


The day is here!!! The day has arrived and like I said before there was never ever any doubt in my mind!!!! Barack Obama is the commander and chief of my nation! I am skating on cloud 10!

So now what? Well even though this victory dance will last past a couple tracks...we have a lot to do! Pres. Obama has a huge task ahead of him, and even though we are looking for tons of improvements and new found policies and a new America in general, WE too have a major responsibility at hand as well.

What is it you may ask? Well....think about it. It took us almost 200 years to get to this point. We finally have a man of color holding the highest position in our country. Even though none of us will be living in the white house or we haven't won any elections personally...WE ARE A REFLECTION of him.

WE came out in thousands and wrapped ourselves around the corners, we campaigned and rallied for him, and now WE must start acting responsible, taking part in the mission of how we as African Americans are perceived in this country. We have to start acting responsible as a race and raise our standards and goals higher.

Now is the time to not sleep in late, not call out, not settle for the okie doke, now is the time to chase the HELL outta whatever it is you want to do in your heart...we can do ANYTHING as seen Nov 4th, 2008!

I am sooooo inspired and ready to have my stake in this world. I will not stop until I have added on in a way that pleases my spirit and I have made that commitment.

It is so funny I was looking at the screen as he finished his AMAZING acceptance/victory speech and I thought of Michelle. I said wow she must be the proudest, happiest, most fortunate feeling woman on the planet! And I am 100% sure she is!

Here's to the beginning of our lives!!!!



Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Do you hear the bell ringing???

When was the last time I woke up to 17 text messages. I do not think it ever happened, not even on my birthday! lol. BUT....I did, and the content on the text was beyond worth me getting up at 6:45 am on my day off!

"Girl, I am in tears walking to the polls", "Dee there are sooo many people on line and first time voters including my father" " OMG..I feel so empowered" and the list can go on! These were texts from my various friends and family who were ALREADY on their way to the polls, if not there already to BARACK the VOTE!

So I was just sooooo excited after seeing and hearing this. I then got up, got my lil girl dressed and we went on our way to make history. YES the lines were EXTREMELY LONG...EVERYWHERE!

I have never seen this in my 26 years on this planet on election day! NEVER! I don't think anyone has seen it to this magnitude...and to see the YOUNG people was amazing!!!

I am talking young - like 18 getting their vote on early in the morning! The media better acknowledge this and they better know it's not because of ol' puffy cheeks either, and they better report that fairly. The headlines should be "Obama brings out tons of youth to the polls" or "Obama has brought LIFE back into this county and revitalized the democracy that we are supposed to live up to in this nation. "

I am soooo PROUD, sooo PROUD not only because we know how awesome he is but because as an African American woman my heart is full.

Close to 400 years ago my ancestors were brought here from their country to work as slaves to other people's land, farms, industries and to be seen as just another means of production. 40 years ago (JUST 40) 1968...we had another civil rights act signed by Lyndon B. Johnson to the follow up act of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 because we were still being discriminated against, treated less than humane, not being seen or embraced as full citizens with equal rights.

I walk to the polls and with each step I think of those before me who tried to ADD on and make a change. I think of Harriet Tubman who was a strong woman determined not to just sit and accept her life as a slave. I think of Frederick Douglas who was a firm believer in equality and also the 1st black man to run for Vice-Presidency, I think of Nat Turner, Carter G. Woodson, Booker T. Washington, George Washington Carver, W.E.B. Du Boise, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Emmitt Till, Rosa Parks.

I think of all my ancestors who shared the same blood line as me and yet I don't know there names I take steps for them.

I take steps for my NANA who is no longer here, who gave me the best years of my life, she would be SOOOOO proud and I could almost here her dotting after Obama saying "He is gonna win it all - that's a fine man".

I think of my Aunt Edna who would have gotten up and gotten ready early to be one of the first to stand in line, because her voice would have been heard first! (She was something - and don't let them do nothing shady at the polls, because you were gonna get told off) ..I take steps for my grandfathers, great aunts, and uncles and all my relatives who have passed on.

They may not be here physically but their working overboard, and they have the best seats in the house.

I look forward to tonight at around maybe 11 PM when the results are in and President Barack Obama gives his acceptance speech! I know I will be crying a river,most likely screaming and I will remember when I heard these words for the 1st time:

"...And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!³






Thursday, October 30, 2008

I get if from my dadddyy....

"...So your grandfather told this man, 'When you are alone, you are always free to pass through my land. But today you cannot pass, because your goat will eat my plants'. Well, this man would not listen. He argued for a long time with your grandfather, saying that he would be careful and that the goat would do no harm. This man talked so much your grandfather finally called me over and said 'Go bring me Alegoa'. That's what he called his panga, you see - "His machete".

"..he had two that he kept very, very sharp. He would rub them on a stone all day. One panga he called Alego. The other he called Kogelo. So I ran back to the hut and brought him the one he called Alego. And now your grandfather tells this man, 'See here. I have already told you that you should not pass, but you are too stubborn to listen. So now I will make a bargain with you. You can pass with your goat. But if even one leaf is harmed - if even one half of a one leaf of my plants is harmed - then I will cut your goat also'.

' Well, even though I was very young at the time, I knew that this man must be so stupid, because he accepted my father's offer. We began to walk, the man and his goat in front, me and your grandfather walking closely behind. We had walked maybe twenty steps when the goat stuck out its neck and started nibbling at a leaf. Then - Whoosh!!!! My dad cut one side of the goat's head clean through. The goat owner was shocked, and started to cry out 'Aalieey! Aalieey! What have you done now, Hussein Onyango' and your grandfather just wiped off his panga and said, 'If I say I will do something, I must do it. Otherwise how will people know that my word is true'.

This wonderful story I tell is not of my own, nor was I referring to my own grandaddy, but this story was the story Barack Obama's Aunt Zeituni from Kenya told him when he went to visit his family some years ago.

I opened this morning's blog with this wonderful excerpt from his book "Dreams from my father...because after watching his outstanding, inspiring and heartfelt infomercial last night, all I could do was think back to his life and the message I received when I read that in his book.

This man COMES from a very powerful African heritage. The same way in which is grandfather kept his word and his word was his honor and bond is the same man we see today.

Many of us watched last night and we cried, we felt a sense of pride, hope, encouragement, fulfillment, excitement, and greatness to see a man who represents something we have never ever seen in this country, in our time.

I can only speak for myself, but I BELIEVE in him and what he is to do. I am not naive by any means! I know that once he wins (which he will...I PROMISE) he will be faced with a tremendous amount of scrutiny, hardship and many in CONGRESS and the SENATE will not BACK him on his proposals and ideas. This will then cause Americans to question this man and what he promises us for change. But keep in mind, we are electing him as president, we still have the Senate, and legislation that at the end of the day that really makes it happen...they pass the laws...he jus either signs off, or VETO'S.

So remember it wont be easy for him and for the first 4 years as my godfather told me last night, he will try his best to TRY to implement all these great things...but it will be hard because to say it blatantly there are haters and there will be hate, especially within government, making it hard for him to do what he has planned, but he is a man of his word and he will fight to the deaths to get us to a better tomorrow, and future.

I believe in his word, and I believe that even if he cannot achieve many things quickly as President, I know what he comes from, I know what he is made of and I know that is is of some of the best damn stuff on earth!

He will make it happen not only because he said it and he believes it but because I truly know in my heart that he knows its bigger than him, he has always made it a priority to help those who needed it and tried to encourage those who wanted it. He did it before he was a big shot senator in Chicago and he has continued to do it throughout this campaign.

How I love thee let me count the ways.....BARACK OBAMA you are something special!!!!


I wont speak to you guys till TUESDAY NOV 4th and I know a lot of you will be VOTING!!!!



Monday, October 27, 2008


I think I was one of the very first people with in my network to learn of the tragedy that occurred this past Friday with Jennifer Hudson's family and I was in utter shock! I can only imagine what it must feel like for her to be in the midst of all these blessings, an anticipated CD (that is doing well), A FAB movie that she is in and all the other magnificent accolades she is receiving and to then be hit with a blow that only GOD could give you strength to begin to wrap your mind around the idea ... YOUR MOTHER AND BROTHER WERE SHOT AND KILLED IN THEIR HOME!

Jennifer's Mother and brother were shot 9 AM Friday morning by an unidentified person, her 7 year old nephew, ( her sister , Julia Hudson's son) was then kidnapped by that person and his body has since been found. I am just bewildered as to how this woman Julia Hudson who is the boy' mother has it in her to come on television and actually speak as if she is "ok". Something seems extremely off to me.

I watched Saturday as she made her plea for her son, but she seemed to me that she was well-rested and not that emotional..God knows if I would have seen a tragedy to this magnitude..finding my mom and brother dead in the house...there is no way in hell I am speaking to any reporters and holding a press conference without me being a shaken up beyond belief and disarrayed. Everyone is different though.

I am in no way accusing this woman, his mother, of such a horrible, devastating crime but it just seems weird. In addition, Julia is a bus driver for the Chicago school system and the school's were closed in Chicago Friday due to teacher-work day, so why was she out all day and came home late.

Something is wrong here, what really promoted me to feel this way as well is once Julia found out her son was in fact the young body in the SUV she was still online accepting friend requests on her Myspace and updating her moods, again ..maybe someone else is logging under her but I just can't call it.

Check her page out yourself: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=95546805

You can make your own assessments.

Read some of the things she writes and notice how the guy who was in custody William Baulfour, her ex...is all over her pictures.

She recently says in a picture he sold her car with his "bitch ass", I dunno...very strange. She said her brother had been dropping her to and from work since the ex sold her car without her permission. This is the "Missing" white SUV that they were looking for when the story hit the press. So where was this car and who had the keys to the car if the brother was dead??? This is bewildering to me and I pray that whoever is behind this heinous hurtful crime is captured.

I don't want to even begin to think that this woman has anything to do with this but a lot of things are sketchy on her part and just does not add up. We hear everyday on the news these same type of stories but since it is a celebrity involved we should not look deeper into this?
An Innocent child is now murdered, a mother and bother gone for no reason!!!! I am concerned! Nobody deserves this.

My prayers go out to Jennifer Hudson who now has to bury most of her immediate family at the same time. God give her strength!

This is horrible! I truly believe there is a demon on the loose possessing the minds and spirits of people EVERYWHERE, Don't matter who you are, where you live, you must be in tuned with your spirit because it can snap at any moment and you can loose it.

There is no doubt in my mind that anyone in their right mind would not do something like this but when you are possessed by evil you can't see or think straight, it is real...count your blessings! and keep a close tie with the most high!

Life is a PRESENT, live it positively, give off good energy and that way you can at least do your part to assist in attracting it back to you. This goes back to the company we keep in our lives.

I love you all!!!!

Stay safe and PRAY!


Thursday, October 23, 2008


How time flies....it was just yesterday when I was sitting in a class in my JHS (circa 1994) and the highlight of my day was going to the gym for cheerleader practice, hanging out with my crew laughing, being in young love and thinking I knew it all. I would HATE to have to leave my friends and I just wanted to be within our little cipher all day and night if I could.

Something about when you are age 11-14,(JHS era) nothing else matters but your best friend and if you have a boyfriend him too. What is so funny is we forget the feeling we had during this age. We felt like the smallest things were the end of the world. We looked at everything literally, and we wanted to please our friends and do whatever we could to prove ourselves.

We did not care if Micheal was not the cutest guy in the school but if he could play basketball and he was tall then that was enough. We were not as judgemental. We had our little click and we stuck to them. We loved them. We became a brand with our clicks and it was nothing we would not do for our fellow click mate if something jumped off, even if an hour before you was gossiping about her to the next person. This did not matter because there was a forgivable innocence about being on the brink of teenage life and you knew life would go on.

I am currently pursuing my Master's degree in Childhood Education as I have mentioned before, and a couple days out the week I go into some school's in my area and student teach. Today I had a class of 5th graders. They were soooo awesome!!!

Now I know many of you are saying, "the kids of today are nothing like we used to be", and you are 100% right! They are NOTHING like we used to be, because they are exposed to way more then what we used to dream of.

They have every electronic device under the sun, their attention span is a minute in a half tops, and they are living in a world that is 10x's more advanced than what is was. Even though all of these factors make them different they still share the same young innocent spirit we all had. That spirit of intrigue, passion and energy to accept new things and embrace sincerity when its given.

When I was there with the 5th graders today they just lit up and they wanted to know more about who I was, and why I was there. Some of the girls came, stroked my hair, rubbed my hands, begged to come with me and if I would come back. They were excited because they saw something NEW and I brought something new to them.

I brought energy, enthusiasm, I gave them much needed EXTRA attention and made them feel soo important that they could not resist but smile, raise their hands in excitement, be respectful and eager to learn more.

This felt sooo good and you could feel it! These are the same children that we hear about every single day. "These kids today are disrespectful, horrible, unruly..." the list goes on, and in reality they do posseses these traits, BUT they just need to feel human, they need some of us to just look into their eyes and say "You are so pretty", " You are soo smart"! even IF they are not acting at their best. They are so NOT USED to hearing and feeling like they are worth something that when they do hear it, that even becomes a mental adjustment.

Many of you may not be interested in teaching or working with kids but I promise that the state of the young people today, it is in ALL OF OUR best interest to get involved on some level. These kids WILL be the ones to uphold our society in about 20-30 years, and if none of us care enough to jump in and show some interest in them now then we might as well lay down and accept the fate of our failure as a collective.

There is so much to be done. I decided I wanted to teach because it is just who I am anyway everyday. I am constantly trying to school, motivate and get people through situations and problems on any level that is presented to me.

My daughter is part of the future and I must be involved and present to it now. Many of you may not have children yet but one day you will and you will feel responsible.

I ask that all of you try to volunteer in your local communities, Church's, and schools (PTA). Even if you are on the train or out in public and you see two young people acting in ways that are less than who they really are (because no child is really as disgusting as they appear) pull them aside and say something!

SPEAK UP and shame on you if you are"Scared". This is why these young people are running rampid now, because in the damn school system they now tell administrators "do not touch or break up any fight if it breaks out...you risk being sued"..WHAT! So as a responsible adult you are expected to watch children break each other's faces? NO! You would not do that if it was your own child and you should not watch someone else's child be harmed either.

Step up and speak out and reclaim order within our humanness. As I always say this is not a race thing. We are humans first and must reach a level of consciousness that promotes positive humanness amongst each other.

I know this blog went on long today but it is so important for us to not let FEAR keep us stifled and weak. Fear was your worst enemy yesterday, it will be your worst enemy today and tomorrow!

Do not give in, break through it! MAKE IT HAPPEN! Whatever it is you want to do -- DO IT!

I don't care if you wake up and decide you want to start an online business collecting boogers...DO IT! DO whatever moves you...and let money be the last reason you do ANYTHING! If that was the case we would not have 85% of the famous successful people of today. They all started what they have without a fortune to fall back on.

I will finally end with this; many people justify going to school saying " I just wanna have something to fall back on if things never work out..a plan B" NEVER go to school or do anything if this is your only premise.

If you have a dream and you know there is a cushion behind you, it will be easy for you to fall BACKWARDS then going through the struggle and strife, BUT if you know there is no cushion behind your backside if you fall then I know and you know you will hold on for dear life until you see your way through WHATEVER it is you want...Live life with no CUSHIONS!

Love you all!!!