Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"She Got Her Own House She Got Her Own Car Two Jobs Work Hard U A Bad Broad..." - Webbie (INDEPENDENT)

So it was recently told to me that I have always come across as TOO INDEPENDENT! Many might say that is a good thing, and I am proud that I have been able to basically take care of myself since I have been an adult (21+), I have had the support of a man throughout but I have always went out and done whatever it is I need to get done for me...ALONE and BY MYSELF.

I ask myself where do I get it from and why is it so innate for me to do this when other women sometimes look forward to depending on someone outside of themselves to do for them. Are we all just born differently regardless of the way we grew up? My mom worked ever since she was 21 to support our family, but my dad was there and he was the provider. My mom was fortunate enough to work and spend her money as she liked while my dad paid for everything, and took us out every so often. I grew up watching this, and it still never became a staple for me to NOT do for myself and be able to provide for me and mine.

What I did not realize in all the midst of this liberating, independent woman saga is that men feel a tad bit threatened by this LITERALLY! I know you have heard this before in some capacity that if a woman makes more than her man he may feel inadequate, or may feel like "What can I really do for her"?, but this does not just apply to the financial aspects of life. Actually, when the person told me I am too "Independent" they were actually speaking about the emotional and vulnerable side of me. They said I always take on this "I can handle it - thanks for your help but no thanks". I thought about it and it got me to thinking...this is so true within so many relationships.

I know women who have it all together! I mean making close to six figures and they are not even 30. They look amazing all the time with their new season GUCCI and their luxury lifestyles to match, but 9 times out of 10 they are not in relationships. What they have is "JUMPOFFS" or "BOO'S". This means that they have a man or male FRIEND who they can call up if they want to be given that special attention to in more ways than one. They have their fun and its done, until the next time. There is no emotional attachment, no I love yous, no Lets go meet my parents. Easy and to the point services.

This works for many and I think it has it's place in today's world, but at some point when will the independent women allow someone outside of herself to let her feel like a plush sofa. Soft, cuddly, warm, open to criticism, to let her guard down and to take in someone else at 100%. When will she let that hard "I got this" exterior come down and just let a man be a man to her? He may not make much, and he may not have everything she is looking for in one person at the moment, but he gives her unconditional love and she knows that when they are together there is no other place he rather be.

It is extremely hard today in this century and time to stay focused on the true essence of what really matters. I say this all the time, we get caught up on what society says should be. A good example of this is Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn. Here are two actors who have been together since 1983..25 years and marriage has never even been an issue. I have seen various interviews with them and you can tell there is something special there. So of course everyone wonders and wants them to be married but why should they if they are fine the way they are.

We are all spiritual beings first and energy. We tend to forget that sometimes we go through trials and tribulations as karmic debt that we owe from maybe a time or place that we no longer remember but karma is real and it must be paid. That is why I am a firm believer in do unto others as you would want to be be done unto you. Don't be INTENTIONALLY hard and insensitive. It will catch you.

We must appreciate and pay attention to the lessons in every aspect of our lives...EVERY single action and interaction has a lesson to be learned. If you try practicing this everyday you would be surprised at how much you will pick up on.

I say all this to say, my independent women, Praise to you! You are beautiful, you are strong and you have held it down for a long time, but always remember you cannot do it alone, and when love has come within your internal and external space, don't chase it..let it flow and let the love giver do as they may the best they can..without scrutiny, criticism and judgement. Love is the universal language...no matter where you come from or what you have.

Love you all! Happy Holidays!!!



Anonymous said...

i didn't spend like you thought darling daughter, but yes those were the good old days!

Geno Sims said...

True, Preach, and sad thing is the Independent ladies (the 6 Digits or very close to it) don't know true love when it hit them and by the time they do they are old ladies walking dogs in Central Park and being cranky for no damn reason. True open your heart, but all people need to practice humility and let go of egos, and listen to yourself! When you flow with Nature Happiness lace you in all ways to help complete your purpose!

MoBetta ThanBlues said...

WOW i can so relate... i get this all the time "the im to independant" thing, but i just like to do things for myself and have my own....i mean is that such a freakin crime? (trust me ppl think it is)but i just put it on my shoulders and contiune to ride with my head held high with my independant swagga.....