Thursday, January 15, 2009


If you are a size 2- 6 with a coca-cola bottle shape, impeccable style and as they say 'cute in the face and slim in the waist' then you may not realize how good you may have it. I did not realize how "fortunate" I was either ladies...let me explain.

So I have a hand full of friends who may be a little on the plumper side of things but they are BEAUTIFUL! I mean just gorgeous women. They have it going on but they may be a little bit more endowed than some. What I notice is that these bigger women are REALLL pretty. Pay attention to that. When you find a pretty big girl she is reallly hott, and they know how to satisfy their men, with no concern with how they appear either, which is why you will find more and more men wanting to lock them down a big girl these days, but that's another blog.

Anyway...I have been out on the town with some of my plumper girls and if we go to a club or lounge that we may be new to us, the bouncer will give some attitude or resistant. I have even had the guy at the door pull me to the side and say "Why you bring big girl, ya'll could have been right without her", in which point, this is my cue to start flipping on dude, without telling my friend what just happened to spare her feelings and not ruin her night! Even though she knows she is fierce why would I tell her something like that.

So...this brings me to my point...with all the societal brainwashing we have already, why is it that even in our own interaction with each other day to day these stereotypes have to exist. It is not enough that we see small petite fair skinned woman on the covers of every magazine, and in all the movies, TV shows and commercials. It is not enough that the majority of all of our talented singers just so happen to be the perfect size too.

NYC, MIAMI and LA are some of the best party cities in the country if not the ONLY true party cities in the country. I have found in both NYC and MIAMI that this standard of "beauty" has to be upheld if you are to have a social night life. I cannot speak firsthand on LA since I am going to LA this summer for the first time, but everyone who goes tells me its 15x worst there, and it is even more intense because just to walk down the street you have to be looking red carpet ready. To shop, to run to the drug store, for lunch! UGH! The pressure.

It basically does not even come down to size sometimes...if you just are not "pretty" enough (especially in Miami) you are not allowed to go to the best parties and have fun like everyone else, unless you of course are a well known star or with one. In which case, let me tell you that is even rare. You will hardly ever find big girls running in the entourage of any of your fav celebrities.

I have had conversations with guys who run parties and have pull to get in any party that's jumping and the first thing he will ask me is "Everybody is right"? "In which case what do I say? Its hard. I mean of course I think they are but then again how will I know the pig headed doorman at the front will or will my friend approve of the girls I have with me?

How about getting in the club and then when we are there I am told that only me and two of my selected friends can get into VIP because the other two just ain't cutting it. EXCUSE ME!

This is why I now realize I am outgrowing the party scene and can only do it for special occasions and events that I must attend. I cannot take part in making people feel like crap and inadequate because of some idiots who think they are not "good" enough. Good enough to what drink and act a damn fool for a couple of hours. We can go and get some good grub for all that!

I have planned vacations with people and they say "Lets' not bring such and such...we wont get in anywhere with her" THIS IS CRAZY! But it is true! This is why girlfriends and women are insecure and self doubting themselves. This is why they feel they have to come out NAKED, especially in Miami and NYC, this is why they sum their self worth up to their appearance when in actuality this is the least part of importance to who you are as a person.

I feel that even though these stereotypes exist and it wont change over night..we have to stop playing into them and be the change we want to see. I know none of you will admit to playing into it but every time you DON'T call a certain friend because you don't think she is "BAD" enough you are, every time you wear something that you know DOES NOT FIT, or has your "privates" "PUBLIC" you are, every time you don't tell that bouncer or doorman what he can do and where he can shove it after he insults your friend behind her back you play into it.

Think about that woman who USED to be a size 4/5 and is now a 14/16 after having some kids, her body has not snapped back into place and she still hangs out with you, who she has for years who looks amazing still. It is not easy for her either! Hanging out with a bunch of "skinny b****" as Monique likes to call us. Always think about the pressure she goes through.

We have to KNOW that we are beautiful no matter what size we are, what you have that the next person may have more or less of, how long your hair is, what complexion you are, how big your asset's are..they are yours and I promise not another person on the planet has what YOU have and can USE it the way you do!

If the doorman rejects you then he has rejected the chance to experience heaven on earth for a second because you are a physical BLESSING!

All my big girls! I love you and them haters ain't got nothing on you!

Keep shaking it and dropping it like its hot and dance till your feet hurt!

Have a great weekend! Go see that NOTORIOUS movie! :)



Toybox said...

OK I disagree with everything you just said.
1)Lets keep it real. To say u dont know whether your friends/colleagues/bff's, etc are cute or not is not true. Just like a guy will try to not answer your question about whether his male bff is cute or not b/c of what people might think...come ON. N*ggaz know. So i dont think for one second you are in a crisis when people ask u to bring cute people with you and u want to bring Eddie Munster. The only dilemma you are battling is whether you direspect the person who invited you by bringing that ugg mugg anyway or whether you disrespect your friend by not inviting her, only to have her ask you later why you didn't tell you and you make up some lie.
Sorry, but real is real.

Second...I think if people have insecurities about things they can help, then CHANGE them. Now this is going to come across totally asshole-ish or whatever but this is just how I feel. It is one thing to tease someone because of a disability or misfortune that they cannot help. But as far as something that CAN change.. ie: weight, chapped lips, bad breath, etc (lmfao) then people need to do something about THEIR insecurity. And that applies to me as well. I personally think my weight fluctuates between thick and borderline fat. THAT being said, if someone called me fat, would I cry or jump off the g-dub? NOOOO! Its something i can help, and if i'm not interested in helping myself then I dont care and furthermore I shouldn't be insecure about it!

Lastly, who you are with DOES effect how you look when you go out, to the beach - to clubs - to LA..etc. And when you have someone with you that doesn't look too good, its not just a physical "we're not gonna get in the club" type situation...There's a WHOOOLLLE bunch more that happens just b/c of that one person.... #1 You gotta constantly compliment them the whole entire nite b/c they're mad insecure "omg i'm fat", "omg my hair is this", "omg that"...just so that they can attempt to have fun; #2 They throw in hate on your operation and be ready to go, or sitting in the corner somewhere so that you feel obligated to not have as much fun b/c they're actin stupid.. etc etc.

I think people need to focus on themselves in 09, what can they do to be better people to themselves and how they can not torture themselves. Girls who are insecure about their little boobs shouldn't be in the club with chics with DD's if they're gonna feel stupid. Girls who don't have money shouldn't roll with the baller chics and be crying when they can't afford something.. Etc etc.

Anyway i can go on and on but it is what it izzz.

Sorry guys lol.

LadyDee - Brownlady Beautiful! said...

TOY! I love it! You always bring some heat that makes you say "hmmmm". Good rebuttle! I still stand by what I said though. We have to be positive man!

Anonymous said...

Not for nothing Dee..I never see you roll NOWHERE with no big girls or Ugly ones..this is malarki! lol

ChiChi said...

This was a great post..very uplifting.

I also loved Toy's response..both of you made great points.

I had a friend who's day wouldn't be right if you didn't compliment her. She stayed in the latest but would say shit like..."I don't really like this"..knowing it's cute, just so you would compliment her. If she wasn't the center of attention, she'd feel a way about herself and eventually I fell back on her. An attitude like that is too much to deal with and I couldn't. I hold all of my friends in high regard but w. their help. I can't believe your "this" if you don' becomes too much for one to carry.

Im apart of the itty bitty titty comm.-almost everyone's boobs are bigger than mine lol but I'm me! You gotta think...some chicks unfortunately have to get their breasts removed...some fat chicks have health problems...the girl w. no hair could be sick. Ppl fail to realize, the situation could always be worst.

Appreciate your blessings.