Thursday, January 29, 2009

"To the left, to the left..if you wanna leave, be my guest you can step"....

My title comes from Lil Wayne song "Too Comfortable" and he said it best! "Yeah, to the left , to the left, if you wanna leave, be my guest you can step, feeling Irreplaceable listening to Beyonce, But okay, I put you out on your bday".

I have never ever ever understood why women and men who get into new relationships, in the beginning everything is PERFECT and you are in bliss. It feels like lying down on cool sheets for the first time on a warm night and then after 2-4 feels like a hot pillow you have to keep flipping over so you can feel that coolness again.

I recently had a debate with some very intellectual, and talented folks..shout out to JANINE! We debated and discussed the issue of women (in particular) being cheated on..or pushed to the side by heir men because they have either gained extremes amount of weight, just don't keep themselves up like they used to, or they treat the act of giving up some good loving like tax happens once a year!

Now I am WOMAN...a very PROUD one at that, and I must say that I have caught some slack for this but....YOU are responsible and can hold yourself accountable if your man starts dipping in the cookie jar that belongs to someone else, because you have started to do the above descriptions! I mean who else is there to really blame?

As women there is alot on our plate , especially us mothers! We hold it down always and most of the time we get no "pat" on the back for it. Then again we don't look for one nor does it keep us being the phenomenal women we are! This brings me right into the point of we should be up keeping ourselves and looking splashy all the time because we WANT to not because we are doing it for a man!

If you lured that man into your life, and while you were doing it, you had your nails done, hair fresh, feet soft, figure tight, complexion flawless, then why because you have him for 2-5 years now it stops? THEN..when he has some new estrogen circulating in his environment you want to rift and have a fit! HELLO WE LIVE IN NYC! Your man is destined to see an average of at least 8 BAD Broads for every 2 blocks he walks. The percentages get higher based on what part of NYC you live. That is another blog. :)

I think...unconsciously you know all you do is....complain, nag, investigate, pry and put that man under a microscope as if he is your child, when he is not....he is a GROWN MAN! Then you mad because he can't even be honest about what he is doing..he has to come up with lies and map his moves out strategically, because he knows you will turn into "MOM" and put the beats on him.

In addition lets just say you really got you a "CATCH" ..Fine, intelligent, long money, gentleman, charismatic, swagger on a a hundred thousand trillion, and you falling short in more than a couple areas. How does this equation work?

Just like in math....things just don't add up. When we as women go out to pamper ourselves on our weekly regime (I do weekly) but every two weeks is fair as well, We should ALWAYS do it for us and with the intent that we want our outsides to match our insides.

I understand that not everyone is feeling "FABTACULAR" on the inside every single day and you go through your times where you just don't have it in you. That is fine and normal. BUT...If you have decided to have a man that you have committed yourself to and in return you want this man to do the same, you have to think outside of yourself.

You cannot check his phone and be a lice in his hair if you are not fulfilling the requirements that you set forth in the beginning. I know some women as I mentioned yesterday in my conversation...who don't bathe for 2 days on the weekends...stay miserable, drink beers, and gain weight in the process.

I am not speaking to women who have dropped their man's baby and have put on a few pounds because of it...that's normal and it will take time to get off, but be committed to doing so. Even if you were born with a "plump" gene...I am telling you..I have seen some FIERCE women who are large and doing their thing, and will put any skinny chick to shame!

I don't care what ANY MAN TELLS YOU! Let me tell you....a man loves a woman that smells good, a woman that wears clothes that flatters HER figure (may she be skinny or plump), a CONFIDENT women, a woman who he can laugh with and can make him laugh, a woman who is affectionate, a woman who can compliment him and make him feel like he is the only thing that matters, a woman that can communicate honestly what she is feeling, a woman that is secure with who she is and what position she plays, a woman that recognizes when he takes time to do something for her and broadcasts it to the world, a woman who is not afraid of the tough times and is a ride-or die, a woman he can confide in without her telling anybody, a woman who is always ready when that shoulder tap comes in the wee hours (if you get my drift), a woman that can cook a meal, and can handle simple domestic duties, and lastly who can can love him in every way that he likes unconditionally!

You can argue that and you don't have to agree that you will do it, but believe me...I speak from experience. I have not always had these things down pact and I may not have mastered each one to a tee, but I am capable and have come to learn in my years that all of the above produces AMAZING results and I can almost give you a 100% guarantee that you will see a difference in your man if you do it.

NOW....wait....not all men deserve this ALL THE TIME! While some that you are dating don't deserve none at all, in which case you should probably loose that deadbeat. So be wise and smart on who you CHOOSE to cater these benefits to. That is another blog....A LONG ONE!

Love you all!




Rho said...

Are you kidding? Dee, you're my l'il cousin and all, but What the "F"? LOL. "It's the woman's fault if her man steps out on her." OMG! Where do I start?
1st of all. I agree wit u that if you're fly and kept it tight in the beginning that you should maintain that. Not for your man, but for you. If you were like that just to get a man and can't keep it up, then you were fraudulent from the beginning.
2ndly, You shouldn't be with a man who got wit u just because of all the physical features that u possessed. Getting wit s/o should be based on so much more than that; similar values, goals, things in common, etc. If a man/woman were together for 2-4 years then it should be much more going on in a relationship then how the other keeps him/herself up. Unless, that person did a complete 180. But the 2 people should have grown together in so many different ways that how the person dresses and wears their hair is just icing on the cake. Again, I repeat yes, the man/woman must be consistent thoughout the relationship and be true to themselves, as well as, think about the other person. nO, it's not cool to look like you're slummin everyday.
3rdly, If a man cheats, it's not about the woman. It's totally about him. If he was wit s/o for 2-4 years and his woman started slippin , hello, speak up. A successful relationship is based on communication. And after that long, he should be down for her regardless. Besides what if the woman didn't realize it mattered so much because he loves her. ( again, she shouldn't be slummin around) Some men are just plain selfish and greedy and will find a way to cheat regardless.

I do agree with your third to last paragraph. It seems like you're growing into quite the young woman. I hope your other half truly appreciates you. Love you, Rho.

Silk and Purple said...

Ohhh Lord why did you write this? LOL Lemme try and be quick…so much I wanna say, but as usual, you bring the “hmmm” out of me.

I think any man who is a REAL man and truly loves his woman sees a her true beauty despite her flaws and will cherish her and proudly stand at her side. Now ladies is this an excuse to let yourself go? NO! Part of why he loves you is your love for yourself, but that goes far beyond trips to the salon and gym. I know a lot of women who look so good and well put together on the outside but on the inside they are a hot mess. So ask yourself. What kind of woman are you? What are your principles and standards and do you live up to them and practice what you preach? Are you working on beautifying your heart like you work on your face and your body? I can’t remember the verse but the Bible speaks about your beauty not being that of the outward appearance but of your spirit. And there is NOTHING in the world that says “fly” like a woman with a sparkling aura. You know what I mean, Deandra. There are very few women whose hearts match the fab they portray on the outside and even though I don’t know it all about you I know enough to give some props when I see it. And that’s another thing ladies….STOP HATING ON EACH OTHER…some are prettier, some are curvier, some are smarter, some are richer, some have men who buy them cars (hee hee)….So what! What of you, my sister? Find your fab and flaunt it! Ain’t nobody can rock a nappy head like me as far as I’m concerned, and I love my Angela Basset arms and my long neck and my strong back. LOVE YOURSELVES…please! And please love yourselves enough to ask for what you are worth. And if you don’t get it, pray on it, and if you are led to leave, count your losses, and keep moving. No man is worth your soul.

In my opinion, the woman was made from the man and for the man…I think we often get that twisted. Don’t give me that “I’m independent and I don’t need no man” crap. Because when the nights are long and cold you will be there with your independent self sobbing on the edge of your king size bed with the 1,000 thread count sheets, wondering how you, who have it all together, has no man to share her life with. Now don’t get me wrong. A woman does not need a man to be complete, but don’t deny what you feel just because you can’t get what you want. I am a firm believer that when you start to be content with who you are and you accept and love yourself and you are aware of what you truly represent you will attract the right man, or bring out the right traits in the one you have…or recognize that the one you have is, in fact, NOT The One. Again, I testify. We often settle for the sake of companionship. A relationship is impossible unless both parties are present. And you have to first be present within yourself.

I like what you said…if you “lured” a man…now a lot of ladies get all dollied up in the beginnings of romance and everything is smelling fresh and fine and they are smiling always, with a “hey honey” on their candy-glossed lips, but let some time pass and it’s slob city. Now due to my own “issues” I did some backsliding in the maintenance arena but I’ve gone to rehab and I am back in full effect. I think it’s not just in a woman’s. You used to light up when he entered the room and it was sweet kisses and admiration and smiles and hot loving and now you wanna act like he is a piece of furniture. You grunt at him when he comes into the room, but he is supposed to worship at your feet and beg for your time and affection. You talk to him rough and you are demanding in your requests. Would you want to be around you? Yes this is 2009 and there is all this talk of independent ladies but a man wants to feel like a m-a-n and part of that is having a lady who can meet him where he is an make him want to go higher. We are encouragers. And the come hither in your dress and your hair and your sweet softeness needs to transcend to the words that fall from your lips, as well as your attitude.

So true that we need to keep our "fly", but not for the man, for us. I love to look good, but sometimes in the busyiness it gets lost. Fortunately I've mastered the art of being my own hairdresser and nail technician (good skills in this economy). If a woman is complete in herself and all her “embellishments” are an enhancement of her wholeness, a man who is indeed a REAL man will cherish that. However, there is another side, and the freshest, cleanest, good-lovingest, cookingest woman can still end up with a man who can’t appreciate and focus on the gem that glistens in his life, and STILL go panning for what he thinks is gold elsewhere. But my fingers are tired.

Thanks for some conscious medicine, Dee!

LadyDee - Brownlady Beautiful! said...

You both have EXTREMELY valid and great points! I am not saying that this is all love is and has to offer by any is a spiritual, mental and physical combination..I was just paying close attention to women who really let it all go and then they wonder why. It happens all to often.

AdrianC said...

B4 you get hit with this crap storm and wtf? I must commend you for being willing to look at the other side of the door. I think people in general have a hard time putting themselves as part of the problems in their lives never thinking that they are as much apart of that as they are the solutions. I personally think in the beginning of relationships we all put our best feet forward, but what happens when things go south or you find out something you might not have figured into the equation? Most people to afraid to mess up a good thing tend to keep it to themselves. That same negativity that is ever present starts to manifest itself in a manner of negative and destructive/self-destructive behaviors that corrode relationships from the inside out. Speak your mind if something is wrong, if you can't do this or won't do this, you are in the wrong situation. This sense of entitlement that people feel in relationships needs to be thrown out the window. Everything someone else does for you should be appreciated and reciprocated as such. If not it's not worth it to carry on. Regrettably, most relationships have hit the wall 3-4 months or years b4 we generally realize this. We are all accountable. Thanks for illustrating that. Take Care! ;op

Unbreakable said...

Are you single lol. Well I have to say you have done your research and those [point you made seem like you have the though process of a man, not in a bad way, I am telling you no matter how a woman may look, its her confidence and her ability to manage in good and bad time, males like a balance woman, as for me educated first, then all the list of thing you pointed out in your blog.