Thursday, March 12, 2009

Love can hurt..but I should NEVER feel it physically!!!!

It was not in my spirit to speak on this whole Chriahanna drama (as everyone has said as a preface before speaking on it) but I do want to address this matter to a certain degree, because SINCE this whole terrible situation has occurred I am starting to hear REVELATIONS from women I know directly and through other people about their own abusive relationships...and it all sort of takes the wind out of me. (no pun intended).

We grow up and we hear a man should NEVER put his hands on you...and yes we agree and we do our head nods..and we say "Love is not supposed to hurt and if a man ever dared tried to touch me I would kill him". I hate to say this but....we have heard this all before and you can NEVER EVER speak on what you will do until you ARE in that position first hand.

Can you actually put yourself in the scenario where you been with a man for over 5 years and he has been the sweetest thing since a pack of M&M's with peanuts( My personal fav) and one night you do something to send him through the roof and he slaps you to the floor. This is all very new, never happened and completely out of NOWHERE....You love this man....he has never done this really gonna pick up and go....REALLY?!

I can only speak for myself when I say... I would be the first one to say "NEVER EVER EVER", but I must be fair with myself that you never know the mind frame a woman OR man (men are getting abused as well these days) are in when their beloved companion strikes them first hand off guard.

I feel incredibly blessed that I have never been a victim of domestic violence at any degree, be it myself, within my family, or even my close friends...but I know it exists and I know that it is NOT easy to just walk away.

I was the first one preaching from the pulpit, that Rhianna provoked Chris Brown when this story first hit the public, mainly because I know for a fact that she is not easy! It has been said within the industry even BEFORE this all got worldwide attention, how she would fight with him, knock him in the head when he was even looking at someone else, and she was extremely jealous. Of course, this is no reason for Chris to have beaten her so badly BUT I know that you can only take but so much of certain behavior before a breaking point occurs.

Factor in they are young and being young and in relationship, when you have no REAL life experience with love and emotions and how to deal with it effectively, can be a huge disadvantage when you are committed to another person. You don't know when to leave a situation at that age because you like the feelings you are getting on a sexual level, the person is probably HOTT and the temptation and lust will always override the emotional dysfunction and unstable state.

Who cares about all that deep stuff at 19 and 21. Lets us not forget to add in the fact that these people live in a bubble because they have a celebrity status that is on a whole other level. All they do is take in each other because they cannot really interact and mess with "regular" folks.

The point I am making is this is REAL LIFE ish, and it happens every single day! Chris Brown and Rihanna are just HUGE public figures which makes this even easier for everyone to pass judgment and say what they may but please believe, there are 15, 16 and 17 year old beating their girlfriends a** everyday! I know for a fact because I knew one of them 2 years ago who had a serious problem beating his girlfriend and I did not get involved because I knew him through someone else and what can I tell his girlfriend....that she would actually listen to.

I have learned that in domestic situations especially...when the abused person is READY to leave..they just will, and you have to just pray that they make it out alive. There is a lesson in their suffering from GOD even in that abuse for them to grasp, and it cannot happen just because WE are saying it to them. All we can do is constantly feed them the positive message of "This is not what you should be in"..but we cannot remove them.

Oprah is doing a special today on Domestic Violence and I hope that it serves to have a very powerful impact on the women in the world watching. Hopefully Rihanna will be watching as well. I also hope she got the message loud and clear from Oprah last week that "Once a man hits you he will hit you again". Of course he will, until HE is ready to get help. How does Oprah know..because she was abused by a man herself when she was first breaking into her celebrity.

I hope that Rihanna and Chris are able to rehabilitate themselves. I am extremely disappointed in Chris actions but I do not hate him, because nothing comes of that nor can be built off of hate! I want him to take responsibility, and rehabilitate and learn from this, as well as truly with sincere regard, want to be a better man because of it.

I hope that Rihanna steps away from him and take a a break. No one (man, woman or child) should have to go through that sort of abuse. She is soooo HOTT!!!!! The last thing she needs to do is sit and get pounded on by someone who is not putting her up on that pedestal and acknowledging her fierceness 24/7!

I am committed to speaking out against domestic violence along with being vocal in my opinions that it is wrong. The message has to be constant and has to come from a place of love to that abused person.

Te amo Familia!!!!!

Have a great weekend!!!!



AdrianC said...

I am glad that you brought this up. Now with some of the new facts coming to light they can stop making it seem like it is all Chris' fault. Now I am not condoning violence, but there are 2 sides to every story and so far we are making it seem like there was only 1 victim that night. In fact they are both victims. Take a pick.Victims of their humanity? Celebrity? Fear of losing? Now what you have brought up speaks of another topic all together. When does love stop being love? When does "love" you feel for a person not transform into fear? Most confuse the 2. When people act jealous it's not because they love you it's about self preservation. It's the fear of losing this person that causes folks to act out in hindering ways. Humans being ego driven, think that someone being jealous is a sign of care it really isn't. I agree with you that they both need to get away from each other. But what young couple ever listens to what anybody says. To them it's the both of them against the world and they have to learn that they are not ready for the love they think they have. More than love, I think they are afraid of life without each other. It's hard to find someone who understands what you go through and does. I think it's unfair for all these people to pass judgment because I have family that work in the legal system and more times than not, the victim to violence usually has a change of heart and doesn't want to press charges. To wrap this up, just because a solution seems plausible to everyone else doesn't mean it's plausible to me. "Friends keep telling me chill but I won't (Why)/
Cause she sees something me that I don't(And)/
And I see something in her that y'all wont, If you never been in love don't tell me I'm wrong"/....
-Joe Budden, All of Me
Take Care!

QuiMarie said...

LOVE SHOULD NEVER HURT. Point, blank, period. I am currently doing a paper on the subject of IPV (Intimate Partner Violence). I chose to go against the grain with the paper and do female on male violence. Yes, men ARE being abused!The numbers arent as alarming as women victims, but I know there are more incidents than whats reported. Males have this huge thing called an "ego" and wont report the physical abuse for fear of their ego's being crushed. they will no longer be looked at as the "tough" guy.
Abuse whether male on female or female on male is WRONG. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. That goes for both women and men.
Eve said it best, "what you believe is love, its truely not, you need to elevate and find" and "what kind of love from a n**** would black your eye?"
Whether young or old, you must love yourself and know your self worth. Evaluate your situation, if your fearful of the person your with you dont need to be with them. Get out before its too late.
And to those of us who aren't being abused, dont judge the person if they go back. Its a cycle that must be broken by both the victim and the perpetrator. Lend your ear and shoulder when they want to talk and cry. Feed their self esteem because its low. And when the time comes and they are willing to leave, lend your couch.
As for Chris and Rihanna, pray for them because they are still young.

P.S. parents dont let stars raise your children. You be the role models they need. And make it easy for your children to come to you. it will pay off in the end.