Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The year of the Gentleman...has it passed?

Pregnancy...isn't it such a glorious time, even if you have yet to experience being pregnant in your lifetime, everyone who see's a pregnant woman, feels happy and warm and excited for that soon to be mom.

I am fortunate that a close friend of mine, is pregnant right now and she's looking magnificent everyday. She is the type of woman who is naturally fab so she loves to dress up and coordinate things with her belly. In addition she still wears the heels like she is not carrying a load in the front of her stomach. It is so funny because when I am with her, people sometimes stare at her like "Is she kidding me with that little skirt and those heels, where is your maternity garbs!"..She just smiles and keeps it moving.

The only thing about her pregnancy that is a little disheartening to me and has been extremely frustrating to her is the fact that when she gets on her commute in the mornings she hardly ever gets a seat! The train she rides is always crowded and and there are men who will see her coming and pull out their papers and read hiding their faces.

Their are older woman of course who should not be forced to get up out of their seat, but will offer her before a man does. All the boy's and men who sit and watch as her belly (which is pretty matured..she is 7 months) pertrude's as she has back pains, should be absolutely ashamed!! This is not just a problem with the pregnant woman but the elderly and woman in general.

In my opinion I think if a man is sitting down on a train and he looks between the ages of 10-75 he should not watch a woman stand at all. Especially if she is a woman who looks to be 40 or older. I know some people will disagree with this, BUT, this is what is was like back in our grandparents day. Men were true gentleman's if they was nothing else. They could have no money in their pockets or the bank, but they knew how to treat a lady. It was something they were taught and aspired to be because no woman would give them the time of day otherwise.

Now by no means do I think an elderly man of about 75 should get up for a young school girl. Even though I have seen this happen, because some of the old school men just cannot sit while another woman is standing. It was taught to them in their upbringing.

Unfortunately there are women who have allowed their standards to fall and they except these fooleywang boys who call themselves men. The men start to notice they don't have to work as hard and they start a whole new culture of being outright DISGUSTING!

My friend rode the E train Monday morning, to find all the men who were 30+ act like they were either sleeping, reading the paper or didn't see her. Another WOMAN who was listening to her iPod took her earphones off and asked her "Are you going far ma'am?" my friend replied "Yes", she then tapped the ignorant man, who looked about 28, sitting next to her listing to a boombox and dressed like he was going to a party, on his shoulder and said "You see this young sister pregnant, can you please give her your seat"? He then said, "Oh my bad, no problem". As if he did not see her. Not to mention he was sitting their with his woman, who condoned the tacky behavior!

HAS IT COME TO THIS? Must we ask these young men to get up when they see a woman clearly in her last trimester needing to sit? All my men who read this..please pass the message of being a gentleman on to your friends, your nephews and your sons. This is truly an epidemic.

Men we are women, delicate, yet strong, we work hard but are queens and should always be treated as such. Please show these young mislead boys what manhood is all about, how it starts with being a gentleman. I think that is the most attractive asset of any man. I remember when I would walk down the street with my dad when I was young and he would always put me on the inside of the street. I noticed that as I got older some of the guys I met and knew would do the same thing and it was the best thing ever!

To know that if a car jumped the curb you would take the hit, and you are not even my dad! Now that is Swagger. Ladies lets demand men be gentleman at all times and make it a mandated requirement for men apply to your school if they are interested. If we don't we will let all our pregnant ladies with their sore ankles on their long rides home go in vain.




Misstyeisha said...

Lady Dee,

I have to commend you on this BLOG This Wednesday morning. You are such a GEM and you can understand how some of our men lack being MEN. Their are some good Men our there that would look out for the ladies which is not many. I will make sure to raise my son the way I have been doing so he will not be one of these men you are speaking about today. I can't believe how the society has changed so much where men are not men anymore they will not even respect a woman when they see her it's really SAD! God Bless the good Brothers that we have left!

AdrianC said...

This is a very interesting topic and I am gonna say somethings here that are worth noting keep in mind I am in no way condoning that type of behavior, but in light of the current social climate especially in NYC, One has to wonder about the other side of the equation for instance: I usually try to help people I see in need of assistance, but one instance really stuck out to me that should be worth noting. Now we all know that women take the train by themselves with big strollers and often need assistance getting up and down the stairwells now me being well mannered and a "gentleman",I usually offer my help without solicitation. Well a couple of times I have offered said assistance and was not even met with a thank you or have a nice day, it was almost as if the women expected it and my hospitality was taken for granted. Also, I have done blue collar jobs where I open doors for women and let them go ahead of me but when placed in the same position, most women wont do the same. I mean one time last week actually I was pushing a heavy medicine cart and I swiped my key card to go into the ward and I allowed a doctor to go ahead of me. Did she bother to hold the door and return the favor? No. So it leaves to question this chivalry that women expect is there no such thing as reciprocity? I mean a good deed is a good deed but its the same empathy and consideration that is expected from men that women seem to generally lack. Just something to think about. I personally feel you shouldn't demand anything from someone you are not willing to demand from yourself. I mean I can think of days I have been standing 12 hours at a job and have to stand on a train for 45 minutes home? am I not also entitled to the same consideration? And women are gonna say: "But your a man!", Well my feet can hurt sometimes too! Consideration! just ponder it I think some women NOT all women have become to comfortable with men taking care of them that they don't consider to other way around. Flamers welcome!

LadyDee - Brownlady Beautiful! said...

Adrian you are so well spoken!

Tasheeta said...

Chivalry is not dead! Its a shame that our generation has confirmed to accept certain things and then be grateful when someone does what they were once SUPPOSED to. If a gentlemen comes around and opens the car door for you, or takes off his jacket to cover you, etc...you just think about how nice he is, when in reality it should be the norm. Its funny because the other day I went to dinner with a friend and when he made reservations and travel arrangements, etc for this dinner i was like "omg i love u!"...(of course what that really meant from me is that i appreciate you)...But in general i think we as women should be greatful, but also not settling for nothing less than what we deserve so if someone does something that you consider extra sweet, set your expectations higher for the next one to do that also! lol.

And as a sidebar...your pregnant friend can wear heels and skirts, etc when she's pregnant to walk up and down the streets but wants someone to give up their seat on the train for her? sounds a little bit off...

In other news, enjoy your weekends!

AdrianC said...

"If a gentlemen comes around and opens the car door for you, or takes off his jacket to cover you, etc...you just think about how nice he is, when in reality it should be the norm."

I like to know which book this was written in. I think you had it right the 1st time you should think about how nice he is and not expect it. That would mean that you think you are entitled to special treatment, which while you may be, It should be looked at a singular nice gesture and appreciated instead of, oh well that's suppose to happen. Kind of takes the thoughtfulness out of it when you expect it doesn't it?